Sunday, May 11, 2008

What Makes A Mother?

Last year at this time, I was in a sad place emotionally. I wondered if I would ever be a mother. And on this particular painful holiday one year ago, I felt more lost than ever. I threw myself a pity party of one while I observed my dream being lived out through others' eyes. Celebrations focused on the fertility I seemed to lack. After seeing umpteen commercials for baby products and motherly love over the course of a week, I became numb. My nerve endings just couldn't handle the twisting knife anymore.

Even with a serendipitous, unexpected BFP just a few days later, and with Hope looming over my shoulder, my second miscarriage again made me question whether or not motherhood would ever be in the cards.

Even now, as I am closer than ever before to my dream, I wonder if I will really be a mom. Am I considered a mother as I carry the baby inside of me right now at this moment? Is it only after you give birth that you are considered a mother? What about the two children I gave birth to much too early - do they matter on this day? I've received gifts, cards and phone calls, assuring me that this Mother's Day counts. But I still have doubt. What exactly makes a mother?

I found this poem online and even if you are not a Christian, I think you will be able to relate to some degree:

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say...A Mother has a baby, this we know is true. But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?

Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice. I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day. And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other kids and say, "We go to Earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear, My Mommy Loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here."

"I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me. I learned my lesson very quickly, my mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay."

"I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay. Your babies are here in my home; and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through. And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart. It's the Love you had so much of; right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother, until their time is done. They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one!

By Jennifer Wasik

Happy Mother's Day and all my love to each of you - whether you've given birth to a child or adopted a child, whether you're expecting a child through pregnancy or adoption, or for anyone who is a Mother in their heart and soul. May your bodies catch up to your hearts and may next Mother's Day be yours to celebrate.

I will never forget.


Polka Dot said...

gah ... so much for getting through the day without tears! hah

Thank you for posting that. It's beautiful.

And happy mother's day to you!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

What a beautiful poem!

I've been feeling very on the fence this year too. I'm in a sort of motherhood waiting station. It's very odd. Anyhow, I hope you had a wonderful day! And YAY for 27 weeks!


Geohde said...

Happy mothers day,


Shelli said...

This is beautiful Kristen. Thank you so much for sharing!

Rachel said...

Last year I was in that gray area too. This poem is beautiful, I could hardly finish reading it through the tears.

Malloryn said...

*sigh* I shouldn't have read that at work. ;)

That was beautiful, thank you for sharing.

Dr. Grumbles said...

Happy Mother's Day! The little one is lucky to have you!

~Jess said...

Ok..that made me cry: It's beyond beautiful. Thank you for posting it.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your baby when they arrive.