Where to Begin?

It's been hard to write lately after last week's heartwrenching news. What does one say after something so horrible? It seems that whatever I have to share is so menial or insignificant. I have no profound words to spiel. I'm simply...speechless.

To go on and on about my pregnancy just doesn't seem right and is hardly sensitive. However, I do want to let my readers know what is going on with me. It's just. so. hard. It's a catch-22 but I'm going to do my best to stick to the basics.

The main reason for my absence lately is I've been laid up for the past 5 days with an upper respiratory infection. It started out as just a nasty cold but quickly spread to my chest, complete with tasty phlegm and slight fever (99.8). I didn't think it was possible for a human being to have this much snot. I'm on 875mg Amoxicillan and Tylenol as needed. I despise taking meds but this time, I don't have much of a choice. My voice is barely hanging on and I think I sound like a frog, which must be confusing to Sunshine's newly developed auditory system. He is probably thinking "who is this nicotine-loving hag talking to me?". Either that or he thinks Night of the Living Dead is occuring just outside of my uterus. He wouldn't be completely wrong.

I've also noticed that his movement has lessened a good bit since I've been ill. I find myself pulling out the doppler everyday just to check on him. I'm lucky if I feel a flutter or a tap once a day. I know that at nearly 19 weeks, that is probably normal. His big growth spurt between 16 and 18 weeks is now over and he is most likely resting after doing so much work. Of course, I worry that he is feeling just as crappy as I do and that is why he is taking it easy. It is hard not to worry these days.

My level II ultrasound is coming up next Wednesday. I am excited, yet extremely anxious about this one. Excited to get another peek at my boy but anxious about all the things that could be wrong. My cervical length. The status of my fibroid. An arrythmia. A heart defect. Missing kidneys and/or bladder. We all know bloggers to whom these things (and more) were found during this scan and I would be a fool not to learn from it. I can't possibly walk in the radiologist's office with rose-colored glasses. But perhaps I can walk out with a sigh of relief.

I'd love to share a belly pic - as I'm pretty sure I've "popped" - but it just doesn't seem like good timing. Maybe I can celebrate reaching the halfway point next week with a collage so you can see how the belly grows. Until then, I hope I can just get healthy enough to breathe easily again.