Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Where to Begin?

It's been hard to write lately after last week's heartwrenching news. What does one say after something so horrible? It seems that whatever I have to share is so menial or insignificant. I have no profound words to spiel. I'm simply...speechless.

To go on and on about my pregnancy just doesn't seem right and is hardly sensitive. However, I do want to let my readers know what is going on with me. It's just. so. hard. It's a catch-22 but I'm going to do my best to stick to the basics.

The main reason for my absence lately is I've been laid up for the past 5 days with an upper respiratory infection. It started out as just a nasty cold but quickly spread to my chest, complete with tasty phlegm and slight fever (99.8). I didn't think it was possible for a human being to have this much snot. I'm on 875mg Amoxicillan and Tylenol as needed. I despise taking meds but this time, I don't have much of a choice. My voice is barely hanging on and I think I sound like a frog, which must be confusing to Sunshine's newly developed auditory system. He is probably thinking "who is this nicotine-loving hag talking to me?". Either that or he thinks Night of the Living Dead is occuring just outside of my uterus. He wouldn't be completely wrong.

I've also noticed that his movement has lessened a good bit since I've been ill. I find myself pulling out the doppler everyday just to check on him. I'm lucky if I feel a flutter or a tap once a day. I know that at nearly 19 weeks, that is probably normal. His big growth spurt between 16 and 18 weeks is now over and he is most likely resting after doing so much work. Of course, I worry that he is feeling just as crappy as I do and that is why he is taking it easy. It is hard not to worry these days.

My level II ultrasound is coming up next Wednesday. I am excited, yet extremely anxious about this one. Excited to get another peek at my boy but anxious about all the things that could be wrong. My cervical length. The status of my fibroid. An arrythmia. A heart defect. Missing kidneys and/or bladder. We all know bloggers to whom these things (and more) were found during this scan and I would be a fool not to learn from it. I can't possibly walk in the radiologist's office with rose-colored glasses. But perhaps I can walk out with a sigh of relief.

I'd love to share a belly pic - as I'm pretty sure I've "popped" - but it just doesn't seem like good timing. Maybe I can celebrate reaching the halfway point next week with a collage so you can see how the belly grows. Until then, I hope I can just get healthy enough to breathe easily again.

20 comments:

Fertilized said...

I am so sorry that you are under the weather. I hope that the medicine starts working soon. I am sorry that you are having to pull out the doppler daily to eae your anxiety - that is very mentally exhausting.

I hope that you are able to celebrate your "pop" with us soon. I know that it is hard to be sensitive to what is going on around you - but you do truly have something to celebrate. There is a fine fine line and it's so hard to walk the balance. I am not trying to be insensitive at all to anyone - but this is your miracle and you get to celebrate it as you choose to when you feel it is appropriate and when you want to document it.

*please do not flog me - I try to find that fine line daily - and sometimes i fail

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I do hope you feel better soon and I wish you lots of luck with your level II scan. HUGS!

Jendeis said...

I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. Hope that you start feeling better soon. :)

Courtney said...

I hope that you get to feeling better very soon.

Good luck with the ultrasound next week! It really is so nice to be able to seeing things at length and just watch your little one 'hanging out'. :)

Baby Blankenship said...

Sorry to hear about you feeling crummy...I went through the same thing when I was preggers, and it was not fun...BIG HUGS GIRL!!! I hope to see that growing tummy of yours soon...I know what you are saying though...you are a good friend...Hope to hear from you soon!!!

infertile said...

Good luck with everything. hope your feeling better soon!

Janna said...

I hope that you start feeling better soon, and that your level II scan goes flawlessly. I understand your reluctance to share your belly pic, but when you feel the time is right I'd LOVE to see how you've popped!!

Elin said...

sorry to hear you are feeling poorly hunny.

sending you lots of get well soon vibes.

Cant wait to see the belly pics

with love xx

Elizabeth said...

wow - almost halfway!!!

Geohde said...

As someone whose had the worst kind of news about their baby on ultrasound let me point out that these things do happen, but MOSTLY they don't.

J

lady in waiting said...

Most people go on to have normal scans after passing the NT tests. Sometimes I wish there wasn't an internet spreading fear and horror stories! I know I've had my share. I freaked out because of an online friend who had pre-e and I CONVINCED myself that I had it, yet my latest appt shows no signs of it. So, breathe and relax, don't focus on the worst case scenarios!!

SaraS-P said...

I wish you strength as you enter the halway mark, Kristen

Artblog said...

Thinking good thoughts for you Kristen :)

Barb said...

Feel better soon!

Seven_Shades_of_Red said...

I know it is hard when tragedy happens. I think it is commendable and honorable for you to be so sensitive to your friend. I know that when I miscarried (COMPLETELY different from what Natalie experienced, but a loss anyway) people were very rude to me. So thank you for being so sweet.

I hope you feel better soon! That does not sound like fun. :-( And yes, babies do move less when you are ill because you can become dehydrated. So make sure you are drinking plenty of water (and THEN SOME) and that should get baby moving around.

chicklet said...

Sucks that you're sick but I'm glad everything else is moving along and you're getting to even think about belly pics:-)

mwbarker said...

You are a blessing of a friend to all of us.

Glad to hear your own continuing good news and can't wait to hear your update after your scan!!

deanna said...

Hope you'll be feeling better soon!! It sounds like you got hit pretty hard with one of the nasty bugs circling around.

I had a little squealy happy moment when I noticed your ticker was so near 20 weeks!!! YAY!!!! Can't wait to hear about the ultrasound and catch the latest belly pic. =)

Heather said...

Hope you're feeling better soon and that everything goes well with your scan. You're in my thoughts.

Andrea said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am sorry to hear about your sickness and your friend's loss. I'll pray that everything goes well with your ultrasound coming up. I'm TTC now & I'm happy to find someone I can learn about pregnancy experiences from.

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