Friday, November 02, 2007

Grab Your Umbrellas - It's A Shower

I have to admit I don't give my hubby enough credit sometimes. He has been quite a good sport about our infertility so I often mistakenly think I'm the only one that feels overwhelmed about all things baby. Like when I get sad to see an infant sleeping in a stroller. Or when I get sad when I see a woman massage her big pregnant belly. Or when I feel that pang of jealousy over a baby announcement or baby shower invitation.

It's nice to know us girls aren't the only ones that feel that way.

I got this email from DH this afternoon:

Hey baby,

You will love this. Probably something you can put on your blog. Email that went out to everyone in my company....

Hi all!

As you know, Xander is about to make his appearance. I'd like to arrange a little baby shower for Jody next week. I've gotten Jody's schedule, and it looks like Tuesday at lunch is best for her. (She doesn't know we're doing this, so shhhh).

I will be going out this weekend to get some decorations and gifts, but I thought it would be great if everyone could pitch in a little. If each of us brings in ONE gift for a baby bag, we'd have quite the collection for her! This can be things such as rattles, bottles, diapers, lotions, creams, pasifyers, blankets, etc. I've just given you a list, so you fellas, have no excuses :-P If there is something else you'd rather get, help yourself!

I am going to be putting together some other things from the office. Please let me know if you won't be in the office on Tuesday 12-1:30 or so. We will just be doing this in the conference room.


There is no way in hell I will do this.

I love you,

It did make me smile and smirk a little. Now I don't feel so lonely and evil. How obnoxious is this email? It basically demands that everyone participate. What happened to stuff like this being optional? I told DH he should say he'll contribute when everyone gives us money for our infertility fund. The sad thing is we'd probably raise less money. Infertility just isn't as exciting or deserving as pregnancy, I guess.

Time to enter the confessional. Last weekend, when I knew AF was imminent, I backed out of the baby shower I was supposed to attend. I was so emotionally distraught that I made myself ill and I knew there was no way I could go through with it. It was the first time I had ever cried that hard over a failed cycle. I mean, I thought I'd be upset but I just completely lost it. Poor DH had to go to church alone because I couldn't stop sobbing. He just wrapped me in his arms for minutes that felt like hours.

I think I underestimated how hard it would be for me. I had every intention of going but when it came down to it, I couldn't muster the energy for the happy facade. The last thing I wanted was to bottle up my emotions, go and totally break down in front of a bunch of strangers. Or cause drama that would take away the attention of the guest of honor. I feel like such a terrible friend. It hurts me to think I may have let other people down by my actions, but there are times when I have to put my mental health first. And being around anything "baby" just wasn't a good idea at that time.

I ask myself, "why couldn't I just put it all aside and chalk it up to just another BFN? Why couldn't I suck it up like I always do?" It just felt like that temp drop was another loss. Another disappointing cycle down the drain. Another baby that couldn't.

Damn infertility.

Don't worry - I'm now out of my funk. I've come to accept that it is only within my control to move on - not live in the past. Chocolate and alcohol makes anything easier to swallow.


Fertilize Me said...

It feels good when you know that your dh "gets its"

Yodasmistress said...

Your DH sounds sweet.

Don't worry too much about the baby shower. If your tummy was ill, you would say you were sick. Well, your emotions were ill - you were sick! Ailments come in many shapes and sizes and somtimes mental ones can be as significant as physical ones. Don't beat yourself up!

Geohde said...

Your DH is certainly a keeper.

Stuff mandatory baby showers for a cruel joke!


Kim said...

I'm with ya, 'damn infertility'. Your DH sounds like such a loving, sweet guy. I'm glad you have him around to hold you when he knows you need it.

Mandatory baby showers... bah.

Ms. Infertile said...

I can't believe thatemail! Glad your husband is able to say "No way" and not feel bad about it. You shouldn't either - you are not a bad friend. I know that's easier said than done though - guilt is a terrible emotion.
I'm waiting for my own email at work like that coming soon from my co-workers. Although I usually get no warning; I'm usually just blindsided at mandatory staff meetings.

Glad you are feeling a bit better.

Sunny said...

I am so glad you have your man to be there right along side you.

chicklet said...

I always think I can do a baby shower and then when the time comes, never can. They're just truly awful when you're still waiting.

lub said...

Ughh- you deserved not to go and I think it is perfectly fine that you got so upset. You are so deserving of a baby and any reminder that God hasn't granted your wish hurts. Your DH is really sweet to be right there with you. I am thinking of you girl!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

It's always comforting to know that DH experiences similar feelings when it comes to IF. I know the G feels it to, but for some reason I am always surprised when he expresses those feelings.

As for the baby shower, I think you have to do what you have to do and if that means not attending something that will make you feel worse, then that's what it means. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. :)

Glad you're out of your funk and your feeling better! I'm with you on the chocolate and alcohol. YUM!

Kym said...

Oh Kristen, my heart goes out to you girlfriend. Everything you write is like reading own thoughts. I did the same thing this time, cried my eyes out when it failed. I'm not sure why. But I'm glad we have such caring husbands. I'm hear if you want to talk girlfriend. Love you!

Meghan said...

I do not understand when these things became mandatory. These mass emails get sent out and sometimes I don't even know the person. It's crazy.

I'm glad your DH gets it though and is on your side

and glad you're getting out of your funk ;)

Erin said...

Good for your husband--that e-mail was pretty damned rude! I'm sorry, when did gift-giving for ANY occasion become mandatory? It's too bad that your husband can't send out a similar e-mail around his next birthday, telling people when to show up and what to buy for him. Maybe that would get the message across that requiring people to give gifts is just wrong.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to skip a baby shower when you can't handle it. Sometimes, you have to focus on yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Trying to suppress it just makes it last longer and is more difficult in the long run. I'm glad you're feeling better now, though.

Elizabeth said...

Oh Kristen, I'm so sorry it's been such a rough time. Glad you could give yourself permission to bow out of this one.

JJ said...

Hehe, love the bottom of the email from your DH. Glad he is such a support--and I am sure it made you beam with pride when you read it!

Kami said...

There is no way in hell I will do this.

I love you,

Can I just say that I LOVE your husband?