Saturday, November 03, 2007

Happiness Challenge Take Two

My second chance at the first happiness challenge went MUCH better than the lame first attempt. Having a back-up plan worked like a charm. I could still find a little bit of joy without feeling guilty for being unable to work out.

Week 1: AF was here and the last thing I felt like doing was exercising. I was crampy and bloated and just feeling all-around yucky. So, instead, I defaulted to the backup plan: coffee. My little cup of happiness. And I didn't wimp out. I went straight for caffeine overload. No decaf here. The greatest thing was my lack of guilt. Why shouldn't I go for regular when decaf doesn't make a damn bit of difference in the outcome of my cycle? I figure, screw it.

Week 2: AF is gone and now I have no excuse not to work out. I felt good about this week. Tuesday was 35 minutes of running and uphill walking on the treadmill (total burned calories: 282). Thursday was 45 minutes of uphill walking on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the eliptical (total burned calories: 303). Sunday, I did some walking around the neighborhood since the weather was nice. I also did more walking at the mall - but since it was intermittent between looking at shoes and clothes, I doubt my heart rate went up enough for it to count as exercise.

Week 3: Tuesday was 45 minutes of uphill walking on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the eliptical (total burned calories: 333). I did more walking on Thursday but my ovaries were feeling like boulders from the Clomid so I opted for a vanilla latte to make up for that lost third day.

Week 4: Now in the 2ww and the fatigue was killing me. So, I went for more java goodness. I was a good girl this time though and chose decaf. You know, just in case a BFP was in the cards. That little thing called Hope was tagging along piggyback. At this point, I'm thinking I should invest stock in Starbucks.

Week 5: AF made her unwanted appearance and working out was not in the cards. I locked myself in the apartment and made myself some vanilla biscotti coffee - regular - to sip the pain away. I'm not sure if it really made me happy but it definitely didn't hurt. It was like I was flipping the bird to AF. If I can't have a baby, I'm having my caffeine dammit.

In making up for the first happiness challenge, I also tackled the second challenge of meditation. This was extremely hard for me on a few levels. The first step was finding the time for 10 minutes of peace to try and meditate. I usually have a good half hour to myself when I get home from work. DH tends to works late so I have the empty apartment all to myself. This would be the perfect time to lay on the couch and relax after a long day. Or so I thought.

It was inevitable that as I laid there, something would happen to wake me up from my state of relaxation. My cell would ring (men have the greatest timing sometimes, don't they?) or there would be a dog barking outside. I just couldn't find the true silence I needed to get 10 minutes worth of meditation in. I would maybe get to five, but honestly it was usually more like two or three minutes. I just scrounged up what little time I could.

The best time for me to meditate was right before I went to sleep. I know it was against the rules but as DH would be breathing softly next to me in bed, I could finally find some much-needed peace. I realized that my mind is forever wandering and it is hard to stop my thoughts in their tracks. In trying to think about nothing, I could only think of everything. Maybe for a few minutes, I'd have a quiet mind. But I could never quite get to 10 minutes. I guess it's a work in progress. Maybe the more you try, the further you get. I'm just not sure I have the patience to stick with it.


Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

I applaud your attempt at meditation. I find it so hard to just be still and silent. I'm going to follow your lead and try it before bed tonight.

chicklet said...

I'm with hilary, I applaud your attempt. My mind's so all over the place, I think I'd just wanna get up and do something:-)

Samantha said...

I completely forget to continue trying as my beta drew near. Oops.

I also wanted to thank you for all of the support you've provided during my last cycle. I understand what you meant in your last post where you said you underestimated how difficult the BFN would be. I am still struggling to wrap my mind around my situation, but it is made a lot easier with your support.

I really hope you will have success in the future.

Grad3 said...

People don't get that meditation is hard work! Seriously... And it's meditation so it's an oxymoron, don't ya think?

GL with all your attempts at happiness, you deserve it.

Thinking of you and crossing fingers

Yodasmistress said...

My husband has the gift of being able to cultivate a blank mind. Sometimes I ask him what he is thinking about and he says "Nothing" and means it. His mom is the same way too. Lucky dogs!

niobe said...

I've never been able to meditate in the same way that I've never been able to be "in the moment." My mind just doesn't seem to work that way.