We Interrupt This Program For Breaking News

You aren't going to believe this one. Murphy's Law is in full effect today.

SIL just texted me to say she is miscarrying.

We are totally in shock. Of course, we sent her our condolences and I told her that if she wanted to talk or vent, I would be here. I told her that my angels would look after hers in heaven. I feel simply terrible. I mean, I wasn't happy about her pregnancy but I NEVER wished for something like this to happen. This just adds to the sea of guilt I've been wading through all day.

DH called her to get more information and lend his support. Apparently, she has been spotting this whole pregnancy. She had a doctor's appointment today and they discovered the baby stopped developing a few weeks ago.

We also found out some interesting news - she was 11w2d today. The baby only measured 8 weeks. She found out she was pregnant the same day we miscarried Snowflake. She said she couldn't bear to tell us after all we were going through. She was sick to her stomach wondering how to break the news. She didn't want us to "hate her". She said they weren't planning for this to happen and she was not happy about being pregnant. She had just stopped breastfeeding Savannah and it "just happened". She "knew it was our turn". She even contemplated giving the baby to us. Could things get any more awkward?

She didn't want MIL to tell us at all right now, much less in the way she did. And SIL said she was sorry we had to find out that way. She wasn't aware of how things went down. She really seemed sincere. My heart just broke hearing her side of the story.

My mind flashed back to FIL's wedding. She knew she was pregnant that day. She was drinking wine and champagne. And she told DH she hasn't smoked in a month, meaning she quit at 7-8 weeks along. I am not trying to imply that her actions caused a miscarriage at all. I know that is not true. I just have to think of the irony in that we treat our bodies like fragile, porcelain vases that could shatter if we did any of the above when TTC. And yet it takes us years to conceive, if we do at all. Anywho, back to the story at hand.

She mentioned that she now "knows how I feel". I let that slide because she is in a state of grief and it wouldn't be right for me to be defensive. But she still has two beautiful kids to go home to. Not to say she isn't hurting. God knows the pain of losing a baby. I have been there twice now. But she does not have to question whether or not she'll ever be called Mommy. She will never completely understand how I feel - thankfully. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. If anything good comes out of this, perhaps it is that she will be more sensitive to us in the future and will realize what DH and I have been dealing with for years.

I wish she didn't have to go through this. I wish I didn't have to either. I wish none of us had to be here.

I am now officially declaring August 27th a day from hell. I can't wait to close my eyes and wake up when it's a new day.