Monday, August 27, 2007

We Interrupt This Program For Breaking News

You aren't going to believe this one. Murphy's Law is in full effect today.

SIL just texted me to say she is miscarrying.

We are totally in shock. Of course, we sent her our condolences and I told her that if she wanted to talk or vent, I would be here. I told her that my angels would look after hers in heaven. I feel simply terrible. I mean, I wasn't happy about her pregnancy but I NEVER wished for something like this to happen. This just adds to the sea of guilt I've been wading through all day.

DH called her to get more information and lend his support. Apparently, she has been spotting this whole pregnancy. She had a doctor's appointment today and they discovered the baby stopped developing a few weeks ago.

We also found out some interesting news - she was 11w2d today. The baby only measured 8 weeks. She found out she was pregnant the same day we miscarried Snowflake. She said she couldn't bear to tell us after all we were going through. She was sick to her stomach wondering how to break the news. She didn't want us to "hate her". She said they weren't planning for this to happen and she was not happy about being pregnant. She had just stopped breastfeeding Savannah and it "just happened". She "knew it was our turn". She even contemplated giving the baby to us. Could things get any more awkward?


She didn't want MIL to tell us at all right now, much less in the way she did. And SIL said she was sorry we had to find out that way. She wasn't aware of how things went down. She really seemed sincere. My heart just broke hearing her side of the story.

My mind flashed back to FIL's wedding. She knew she was pregnant that day. She was drinking wine and champagne. And she told DH she hasn't smoked in a month, meaning she quit at 7-8 weeks along. I am not trying to imply that her actions caused a miscarriage at all. I know that is not true. I just have to think of the irony in that we treat our bodies like fragile, porcelain vases that could shatter if we did any of the above when TTC. And yet it takes us years to conceive, if we do at all. Anywho, back to the story at hand.

She mentioned that she now "knows how I feel". I let that slide because she is in a state of grief and it wouldn't be right for me to be defensive. But she still has two beautiful kids to go home to. Not to say she isn't hurting. God knows the pain of losing a baby. I have been there twice now. But she does not have to question whether or not she'll ever be called Mommy. She will never completely understand how I feel - thankfully. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. If anything good comes out of this, perhaps it is that she will be more sensitive to us in the future and will realize what DH and I have been dealing with for years.

I wish she didn't have to go through this. I wish I didn't have to either. I wish none of us had to be here.

I am now officially declaring August 27th a day from hell. I can't wait to close my eyes and wake up when it's a new day.

22 comments:

lub said...

Hey Kristen,
I am so sorry about your SIL. I think it is very interesting to hear her side of the story since it was so devastating for her to be preggo again. I wonder how my SIL felt when I miscarried? It makes me want to ask her but how do you bring that up??? We all know that you are not wishing any of this on her. You don't need to explain it- we all have been there. I am sorry you are wading in a sea of guilt- you don't need to. Take care of yourself.

chicklet said...

Ugh, I'm sorry this day is sucking so much. Not just for her but for you too. Hang in there.

r_is_moody said...

Kristen, I am so sorry to hear about your sil. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Caro said...

I sorry that it was a sucky day - I hope you wake up to a better one.

Geohde said...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Losing a pregnancy just sucks. Sucks.

Jen said...

I'm sorry.
Here's hoping for a better day today.

LeRoy Dissing said...

Very sad to read about your sil's miscarrage. Today (the 28th) is a new day and I hope it is the start of better days and dreams come true.

Baby Blues said...

Sorry for the sad news about your SIL. Hoping for better days soon.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your SIL, too. Don't be too hard on yourself-this had nothing to do with you! Take care and I'll be thinking of you and your family.

dmarie said...

Wow, I'm sorry about your SIL. I'm glad you got to talk to her and straighten things out.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry for your SIL.

Reproductive Jeans said...

I am so sorry...this is Murphy's law alright...
Its emotional for her of course, but I know this is difficult for you too.
Hugs to you!

Chris said...

Yup, it is the worst day, and I'm so glad that the 27th is now over for you. I feel awful for what you and your family is going through. It sounds as though you and your SIL may be heading towards a new, better relationship, and that is a good thing. I will be sending prayers to you and your family.

jenna sais quoi said...

Thank goodness the 27th is over! Hopefully the 28th is going better for you.

My thoughts are with your family, especially you and your SIL.

The Town Criers said...

I am here with hard drinks because you need them this week. That is terrible news about your SIL. And for it to come on the heels of your own terrible days.

Carrie said...

A very similar thing happened to me. My friend has a little boy, tried for a second and got pregnant straight away. She started to bleed at 6 1/2 weeks. I thought that she'd be fine because it seems to me everyone else is. She had a miscarriage and I felt so sorry that I hadn't been there for her. I went round and she said that now she knows how I feel. I feel for her pain but she still doesn't know how I feel.

I'm sorry for your SIL, losing a baby is hard, no matter what. I'm sorry for you too because I know this will release a whole lot of emotions for you too.

Elizabeth said...

what a tremendous emotional load to be carrying right now, not only terriversary of your grief, but now sharing in your SIL's grief is probably amplifying your own trauma, plus relationships are just complicated anyway. DRINK UP!!! Hope tomorrow (or today) is a little better.

Grad3 said...

I know the feeling and I am sorry that this day just sucked even more than anyone thought it could. Thank God it's almost over... ~hug~

Road Blocks and Rollercoasters said...

I'm sorry to hear about your SIL. I can imagine everything you're feeling now and hope that you are having a better day today. I'll be thinking about you! :)

deanna said...

Very sorry about this awful development......

Fend off that guilt, though, sweetie. It doesn't belong in your heart.

Sticky Bun said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL's loss. And I can't believe it was on the 27th. Like the others, I'm hoping for better days for you and your family very soon...

Natalie said...

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry to hear this. I'm really glad you got to hear SIL's side... and that she honestly seemed to care about you guys and what you were/are going through.