Friday, July 20, 2007

What Could've Been

Today, it is beautiful outside. It is partly cloudy - 83 degrees. I'm stuck in the office and I'm stuck in the past. I still live my life in weekly increments. Although I'm trying harder to live day to day and take one thing at a time, I'm failing miserably.

Today would've been 13 weeks. The magical start of the second trimester, when all your fears fade away. That is what could've been. That is what should've been. But yet it isn't. Needless to say, I'm a bit depressed today. And on top of that, I can't figure out how to unsubscribe from the weekly baby development email blasts that greet me every Friday morning. What a lovely reminder.

My FIL is getting remarried tomorrow. DH and I are both in the wedding but thankfully, it is semiformal so I won't have to get too dolled up. I am hoping it won't be too painful for me to see all the happy families, especially my niece and nephew. I love them so much but it hurts me so badly to know that each month that goes by is another month away from having a cousin "close in age".

Since I probably won't be back until Sunday, I wanted to leave a little nugget behind for all my IF sisters. Some of you have probably already seen this but for those of you who haven't, I think you should watch this beautiful video by Kellie Coffey.



Amy R said...

Everytime I see that youtube video I tear up! I hope you are able to have a good time at the wedding; I know this must be such a terrible time for you and its hard to see the world sometimes. Hang in there girl. And also, thanks for the very nice messages on my blog :)

Holly Crosley said...

Your video moved me to tears. You are such a blessing in my life and I know you WILL have a child. You will make an amazing mother and I have faith it will happen soon. I love you and while i cannot imagine your pain, I am always here for you and will always be by your side for support. You mean the world to me!

Sticky Bun said...

Kirsten, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now. I can only imagine how hard it is, and it must be such a tough time to go to a wedding in particular.

Thanks for sharing the video as well. I have seen it before, and yet I still cried when I saw it again. *sigh*

Chili said...

I'm so sorry. I hope the wedding isn't too tough.