Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Meaning of Friendship

A week has come and gone. It is amazing how fast time flies. It feels as though the world just rushes on without me. As if I am stuck in time while the entire rest of the world whizzes by at the speed of sound. I will go about my daily life but no one will know what I'm thinking or feeling on the inside. No one will know about my loss or what I have been through and am still going through.

No one knows, as I am in the grocery store feeling fruit for soft spots, that I am suffering from the silent disease of infertility.

No one knows, as I slide past them into the bathroom stall, that with every dot of blood on my pad, I lose another piece of my heart and that my future dreams are shattered.

I am consumed by my thoughts. I am still performing well at my job but ALL I think about is TTC or related topics. It takes every ounce of energy I have just to talk on the phone, have a meeting or type up media plans. I usually come home exhausted and I'm in no mood to eat anything unless it is both unhealthy and sweet. Poor DH is doing his absolute best to make me happy (including buying me a new laptop since mine had crapped out on me a while back) but the depression is unavoidable. I have my high peaks and low valleys, just as if I were bipolar.

I came home yesterday in a pretty good mood, although still solemn about our situation. Much to my surprise I had this waiting for me:

My East Coast Girls from FF had sent me a beautiful bouquet to send their condolensces and kind thoughts and prayers. Here is the message that was enclosed:

It was such a wonderful surprise that it brought me to tears. Just when I thought everyone had forgotten or moved on but me, I received this glaring message that I am not alone. I didn't get any a$$vice from them, such as the "it will happen in time" or "it wasn't meant to be", etc. I got the BEST thing anyone could say to me right now. And that is what friendship is all about. When someone knows just what to say to lift your spirits. Priceless.

My buddy group is just awesome. I don't know what else to say but FF is the best $45 a year I could ever spend. Thank you girls. You have no idea what your friendship means to me.