Sunday, April 29, 2007

Thank You, Christina

Thank you for putting on such a fabulous show last night! It was probably the BEST concert I have ever been to. Our seats were wonderful and we could see everything perfectly. She has a truly amazing voice that leaves you in awe when you hear it. I love when an artist sounds exactly like they do on their CD. Sometimes, I am saddened to hear a poor live performance when I love the record so much. But not Christina. She surely didn't disappoint. She sang every single song I wanted her to sing. The show was worth every penny. The opening acts, Danity Kane and The Pussycat Dolls were also smashing good fun. The night was full of smiles but also had its tearjerker moments.

I actually met one of the girls of Danity Kane before she was picked by P. Diddy to be in the group. She and her family live in my town and they were in my nail salon, telling us all about how they lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and had to move to Maryland to rebuild their life. It was cool to see her on stage, performing her heart out. She even thanked the Baltimore audience for being so welcoming to her. It was so cute and sad at the same time. Secondly, Nicole from PCD cried when hearing the applause for the first time. It was such a great moment, and it made me realize how awesome it must be to do what you love and have people screaming your name. It has to be so overwhelming. And it showed me that she really cares about her fans. - how can you not love that? Christina also addressed the issue of domestic violence and abuse, against which I am also an advocate. She spoke about how her childhood, in which she witnessed domestic abuse, gave her the strength and determination she needed to grow and become a better person. It was a truly inspiring story, being that I also grew up in a similar environment. I could easily relate to her upbringing and her ability to overcome adversity despite the pressure of so many outside forces.

One of her most famous songs really touched me last night because it really describes my battle with infertility:
Beautiful (written by Linda Perry)

Don't look at me

Everyday is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
You're so consumed
In all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone
Left the puzzle undone
Ain't that the way it is

'Cause you are beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
'Cause you are beautiful
In every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might awake
On the other side

'Cause we are beautiful
No matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
'Cause we are beautiful
In every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down, ooh

One day, I may feel happy and hopeful and the next moment I feel depressed and sad about my inability to conceive. I may feel angry or insecure when I see mothers with their children, and I feel the pain of infertility rearing its ugly head. But no matter what - children or no children - I am beautiful inside and out.

Some of my friends definitely think I'm crazy for "trying so hard". They see my charts, my fertility meds, my prenatals, my appointments, etc. and just tell me that I need to "relax". They believe that I am too obsessed with the idea of having a baby. But they don't understand that having a baby is a dream, a goal, a birthright. As a woman with a womb, I want to experience motherhood and everything that goes along with it. I want to live for someone else and see life through their new, innocent eyes.

No matter how hard things get and no matter what people may say or what "assvice" they give, I know that there is always the chance that I will wake up one day to a positive pregnancy test. If I do or if I don't - I am beautiful. This really should be my mantra.


Sticky Bun said...

So true! I swing so quickly from hopeful to hopeless it's ridiculous. And, it is hard for people to understand unless they've been through it. *sigh*

glad you had fun at the concert, though! And I'm hoping for you this cycle! :-)

HCROS said...

You are beautiful!! One of the most beautiful people I know! I admire your journey to motherhood and I know you will have your precious baby someday soon. I think about you everyday and you are in my prayers. I love you and I am so glad you came to walk with me! I am so glad you will be working closer to me. I am hoping we can get together soon. Love you always, Holly