The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So, shall I start with the good news or the bad news? Okay, let's start with the good news. I finally ovulated! So funny, the things us TTCers get excited about but those crosshairs really brighten my day. They are like red lines of honor for waiting so long. I can now countdown officially until the Clomid. If I have my usual 13 day LP, I am looking to get AF around March 4, with Clomid to follow on March 8. Lookin' good! Now if I can just get past this 2ww, we'll be in business.

Now that I've gotten the good news out of the way, onto the bad. I got a letter yesterday from one of my private school loan lenders saying that my recent consolidation loan (through another company) did not pay off the total balance. There is still a $1800 balance on the loan. Huh? So, after numerous phone calls and people's names written down, I found that the amount I had written on my application was for a 10-day payoff and not a 45-day payoff or more. Because of this, I owe the money. I am behind on my February payment because I thought it was taken care of and it looks like I will also owe March until I am able to reconsolidate. I cannot afford the two payments on top of the consolidation loan payment so I had to request forebearance on the $1800 loan. I really hope it is approved so I can end this madness. It seems like one freakin' thing after another lately. I am tired of owing more money that what I'm making. It is so frustrating that I just had to have a good cry this morning, at work no less. Luckily, I was able to pass it off as a runny nose and a cold but inside, I am hurting. My DH is so supportive of me and told me not to worry and we'd take care of everything. He really makes me feel better and I feel less afraid after talking to him and coming up with a plan of action. The perfectionist in me wants finality in everything I do, and sometimes that isn't possible. There are months I may be late with bills or times I cannot afford everything. I just have to realize I can only do so much. As long as I am doing my best and not simply procrastinating or ignoring things, I have to learn to accept things as they are. I just hope another job opportunity presents itself. The longer time goes on without a response or a phone call, the more I panic and wonder what my life would be like had I not wasted all of this money on education. Am I really better off now because I have a degree? I'm certainly not yet better off financially so I'm hoping the long-term benefits are truly meaningful.

I forgot my lunch today so I decided just to wait until dinner to eat. I know we aren't THAT poor that we can't afford lunch but I am so sick of looking at money vs. bills that I couldn't bear to pull out cash or credit to charge even a $5 sandwich. I figure I will devour what is in the fridge at home when I walk in the door.

I'm sorry for the ugly post this afternoon but the vent is good for me. I am looking forward to American Idol tonight when I can wash away my sorrows in some good 'ole reality show TV.