Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Down and Out

I've been feeling pretty low lately. To start off, things aren't going so well with my job. Our agency lost a pretty large client in October and we're starting to suffer. My boss has cut two co-worker's salaries by 40% and is working on no salary herself. She told me that in order to afford me, I have to work part time for her and part time for a fellow PR guy in our office. I feel like a monkey doing tricks, working for 3 different employers. My real boss (where my paycheck comes from), her husband (with whom I'm conducting research for his company), and now this PR guru. I'm already not being paid enough when factoring in my experience and my recent degree. So, this is just another low point in my "career". It seems I am never destined to move forward and that I will always just be an assistant no matter how much education I earn. I've put out numerous resumes since the news broke about the client abandoning us, and I've only garnered one phone call which didn't lead to an interview. I actually had more luck getting interviews BEFORE I had a degree. I'm not sure if the job market is slow right now or if the problem lies with me. Anyway, I feel like I am at my wit's end. I know I have to keep looking and keep my chin up but part of me wishes I could just drop back to part time and refuse to have my responsibilities split between three parties. My only hope to stay here is that we get some pretty large clients in the next few months to make up for the one that left. Only then would I consider myself safe.

Also, I have yet to O and my temps are staying pretty low. I'm afraid that (1) I am annovulatory this month or (2) I have another cyst. There is always the possibility it is just delayed but either way, I am still waiting for the O fairy to visit me. We BD'd so much around my usual O time and would have had perfect timing if it had happened. Now, we are just trying the "every other day" method and praying it somehow works out in the end. Thankfully, our RE appointment is Friday and we can discuss this with her. I hope she sees what we've been dealing with for a year and is proactive with our testing.

Speaking of doctors, I scheduled an appointment today with my PCP. Since New Year's, I have had this lingering uncomfortable feeling in my bladder and sometimes frequent urination. I've been lathargic and just not in the mood for much of anything. I went in for a urinalysis and sure enough, I have ANOTHER bladder infection. I just had one in October! So, my doctor is giving me more antibiotics and is sending it to the lab to see if anything grows on the sample. I won't know those results for about a week or so, so I'm not holding my breath.

To top this all off, my brother called and left me a message. We haven't spoken in over a year and while he seemed to want to move on, some of his comments left me offended. I know I have to call him back but I have no idea what to say and I don't think I can just brush our past troubles under the rug. I have to figure out a way to address him, which causes me more stress.

Also, I still can't find a church that will allow me to take classes to be my cousin's son's godmother. No one will call me back and I've been trying to get someone to take me seriously for months - ever since October! It is so frustrating and my cousin is like my best friend. I'm worried she will think I forgot or that I don't care and that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Another thing is my school loans. I've had to pay out of pocket for my private loans because my private consolidation loan is being held up at Sallie Mae. First, they tell me they are missing information. We give them information, only to find out there is something else missing weeks down the line. It is currently in "pending" status so we'll see if they can finally get it right so I can be done with at least one thing.

Not to mention, DH had a doctor's appointment yesterday and his cholesterol is a tad high and his triglycerides are high. This means he needs to diet and get more exercise and go back for more testing in three months. His dieting = my dieting since we need to pretty much eat the same meals. Not that I can't stand to lose a few pounds but I like doing it when I feel ready, as opposed to doing it because I HAVE to.

It just seems like nothing is working out recently. My life seems to be one hot mess. I have free passes to see the movie Alpha Dog tonight but I'm so tired and not enthusiastic at all. Cross your fingers that some more opportunities pop up and that the O fairy will stop by soon. I need something to work out so I don't feel so down and out.


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