Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Biting The Bullet

*P-word mentioned*

After trying to squeeze into my size 6-8 jeans one too many times - many of which I can no longer even zip up to be modest - I finally decided to bite the bullet and get some maternity clothes. I've been using my Bella Band everyday and while it is a great invention, it isn't the magic answer to everything. I have a bit of junk in my trunk so the Band tends to ride up, which annoys the crap out of me. I am constantly trying to pull it down to cover my back end. Now, I can sit down without worrying about fabric bunching up my back. I can also prevent the dig marks left by the no-longer-useful buttons and zippers. Score! I actually had some fun trying them on, once I got past the inital fear of stepping inside of the place.

This was a big step for me, since I bought some summer maternity clothes back when I was pregnant with Snowflake. And well, we know how that turned out just two days later. I had to go home and use the doppler right away to ease my paranoia and all was well, thankfully.

Some of you have asked how I've been feeling lately so I'll try to give a reasonably brief account. The nausea has definitely lifted for the most part. I am still terribly constipated. We're talking once, maybe twice, a week here. But I have increased my fruit and fiber intake and it seems to be helping with the "ease" of going. And the fatigue is still kicking my butt. My bedtime is about 930pm and if I stay up later, I really feel it the next morning. But, all in all, I can't complain. Things seem to be going so smoothly that it doesn't really feel real.

I think I create my own drama sometimes. For example, yesterday morning I opened a pack of Pop-tarts and bit into one of them. It was stale, but I swallowed the piece, drank lots of water and threw the rest away. Then, I worried that eating that tiny bit of stale food would kill the baby. A bit melodramatic but I overanalyze every piddly thing I do. DH says this isn't good for me or Sunshine and deep down I know this but I can't help it. The worry is instinctual and although I try to minimize it, it doesn't go away just because I will it to.

I have developed a bit of a s**t-for-brains mentality when it comes to work. I can't focus to save my life. And while I think my job performance has not suffered as of yet, I believe it is inevitable. I think part of the problem is the fatigue and distractability. But I am also incredibly overwhelmed at work. We have gotten MANY new clients with MANY media needs. We have several salespeople on board who are doing their jobs well and bringing in the business. But yet I am the only media person. So, things are getting bottlenecked when they come to me. I set deadlines for myself and most of the time, I meet them. But there are times I haven't been able to come through. I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my work and so this is troublesome for me. Yet, I don't have the energy to fight it. I just tell myself to do what I can do and leave the rest for the next day. I can't commit to working overtime at this point because my brain is mush past 3pm.

They are trying to hire another media buyer but they aren't having much luck. I'm worried that I'll be working myself crazy up until my maternity leave. And I haven't even had "The Talk" about what my maternity leave will even entail. It's a small company so I may not even be paid for my leave but DH and I can probably cover 8-12 weeks on his salary alone. I'm not sure at what point I'll feel comfortable discussing this issue - maybe after we find out the sex around 18-20w. Once I hit another milestone, maybe more paranoia will fade and I can broach that topic. Right now, it seems a little premature.

At this point, I am thinking I want to return to work at least part-time. If I can work from home twice a week, I would consider going back full-time and balancing my days off with DH and my mom. This may be wishful thinking but my work is pretty flexible with schedules and very supportive of working mothers so I may be able to negotiate this. Again, this will have to come at a later date. Not sure when but it won't be right now.


Today is DH's 29th birthday and we are going out for an evening of dinner and shopping (for him, for once). I have been so out of sorts that I haven't even gotten a card. I am such a bad wife. But I intend to run out on my lunch break and fix that right away. He has been so wonderful with picking up the slack around the house and in dealing with my every whim and mood. He deserves to have a great day and I want to show him how much I care and appreciate what he has done for me. For us.

Tomorrow is our 2nd OB appointment. I am hoping for another glimpse at our Sunshine but I'm afraid they will only use the doppler. I am excited nonetheless. Every appointment we make is one step closer to the prize at the end of the rainbow.

16 comments:

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

How funny! I bought maternity pants on the weekend too! It was weird... But I'm so happy to not feel so constricted anymore.

I totally hear ya on the work thing. I am having the EXACT same problem. I just could care less about work - actually I care less about everything else in my life except the kid. How are we supposed to care, I ask you?? All I want to do is sit on my couch and be pregnant.

Katie said...

Congrats on getting maternity pants. I have a pair of maternity jeans that a friend lent to me the last time I was pregnant. I broke down and wore them this weekend, and it was lovely. Although they are really still too big, they are so much more comfy than stuffing myself into my regular jeans.

I am in a similar situation with work. I am glad to hear that I am not alone. Hopefully, we'll get through it.

Happy Birthday to DH and good luck at your OB apppointment tomorrow - I'll be looking for the update!

Barb said...

Happy Birthday DH!

I have to admit, I'm a little jealous of your "junk in the trunk." I could use a little extra back there. sigh. ;)

My cousin has been buying a lot of great on sale Gap maternity clothes. And when I saw on sale..I mean.. GREAT sales! You should check it out.

M said...

What a nice update. Glad you got some comfy clothes...it sure makes getting through the day better. :D

Have a great time tonight celebrating DH's birthday.

alison said...

I'm glad things are going along so well! Yay for new clothes! Happy birthday to your husband. Can't wait to hear about your appointment! :)

Melissa said...

I am so glad to continually read such great news. I must admit, the image of you stressing out over a stale pop-tart gave me a good chuckle. I hope you can find some room to relax and continue on in your maternity clothes purchasing ways!

Fertilize Me said...

I am so proud of you for walkin in and gettin you some clothes yu can wear.! I find that week by week the fear/worry is less noticable. It's there but less in the forefront and just a mere thought instead of a pounding issue. I am tryig to have that whole "work" discussion as well. It will all work itself out! So glad for your updates - good luck at your OB appointment - mine is thursday

Jen said...

Good luck tomorrow and wish DH a happy birthday. My hubby's is today as well, although he's a little older...

Sticky Bun said...

I hear you on the maternity clothes thing. But, you're right-at a certain point the bella band only does so much.

I hope everything continues to go well--good luck at the ob appt!

Grad3 said...

I know what you mean about the maternity pants... it is a big step!

So glad things are going well for you!!! Hope you and dh have a great time enjoying each other :)

SaraS-P said...

Best wishes for your appt!

Elizabeth said...

I feel the same way about appointments!

OrchidLover said...

Glad to see all is going so well for you! I got the doppler out as soon as I bought maternity pants, too! It was great to read about someone else doing it as well. Maternity pants suck, I have decided. I much prefer my nasty fleece sweatpants, which existed long before my pregnancy and still work, but they are truly unfashionable.

Samantha said...

Big step moving up the maternity clothing, even though I can see where you'd feel nervous about it!

Like you said with the job situation, just take it as it comes and leave it for the next day if you can't finish it. I try to tell myself that and I don't even have half as good excuse as you!

Denise said...

So glad to hear you are doing well. I think the paranoia is normal. And I bet you make one cute lady in those maternity clothes.

Malloryn said...

I hope your appointment goes well, and happy birthday to DH! :)