Tell Me You Love Me: Episode 05

Carolyn wakes Palek up the morning before the IUI, saying she can't sleep. She thanks him for agreeing to the insemination. He says she doesn't need to thank him and jokingly says he's happy to oblige by "masterbating into a cup in a public place surrounded by nurses". He tries to have sex with her but she reminds him that they can't jeopardize everything.

Next scene is Carolyn at the clinic. She gets an u/s and it shows one nice follicle. Palek holds her hand as she gets the IUI, which the tech describes is "like a pap smear". The tech also said the sperm sample looked "really good". She inserts the catheter and notices Carolyn has a tilted uterus. After the procedure, she tells her to get on all fours. After the tech leaves, Palek asks her how it felt. She says it felt "demystified" but she's glad they did it. He says he is glad too.

For those of you who have gone through IUI, did it feel similar to a pap? Did it "demystify" the baby-making process since you aren't going au naturale? Also, for any of you with a tilted uterus, do you get on all fours afterward? I have a tilted uterus, although they couldn't tell if it tilted backward or forward. Maybe that would help us a bit...

Later, Palek is at an electronics store and sees a father with his young son. The boy begins crying as the father retrieves a cell phone and balances a cup of coffee. The father, quite flustered by this point, then argues over the phone with his wife as Palek looks on, bewildered. Meanwhile, Carolyn looks up symptoms of pregnancy on the internet.

I was wondering what Palek was thinking. He looked scared shitless like "holy crap, this is going to be me". Have you ever witnessed a situation like this? How did it make you feel? I remember, one time, I was in a restaurant and this little boy was screaming bloody murder. The mother had to take him outside and I just asked myself if I really am ready for motherhood. I thought about how I would react if I were her. Sometimes, I think I'd do things differently and be a better mother. And other times, I psyche myself out. But ultimately, I think it's about balancing the good and the bad. There are going to be temper tantrums and vomit and misbehaving but there are also going to be moments of pure happiness. Watching my child laugh. Teaching them new things and watching as they learn. Hearing them tell me they love me. I want to cherish every moment, good and bad, because I will know how close I was to never experiencing any of it.

The next scene shows Carolyn getting up to take a shower. She looks in the mirror to see if anything about her appearance has changed. She comes back into the bedroom with a smile and she and Palek share an intimate moment.

During the 2ww, do you look in the mirror for changes in your body? What do you look for? I should know better by now but I regularly look for some miraculous change that will tell me that I'm pregnant. It's like I'm waiting for a tattoo to show up on my forehead that reads "YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Carolyn gets out of the shower and feels her breasts. She tells Palek they are different. He asks if she feels like she did when she was pregnant before and she says she does. Palek is wowed.

I know that my breasts feel heavy right before AF comes. And they did get much bigger after my BFPs. So, in short, I can't really tell much from the boobs. It's hit or miss as a pregnancy symptom. Those of you with your BFPs, what was your first sign that something was different?

At work, Carolyn buys a sandwich from the cart lady. And some potato salad. The cart lady mentions she was late because her daughter was sick. Carolyn tells her she is pregnant - even though she's not sure. I think she just wanted to hear a congratulations. The woman tells her being a mom is the best thing in the world and she'll love it. And then gives her a cookie on the house.

What do you think about this? I can't say I've ever done that. I'd be too afraid I'd be found out and then I'd be perceived as desperate and lame.

Palek visits his mother and she tells him she is selling the house he grew up in. He is surprised his mom didn't tell him since he works in real estate. She says Carolyn doesn't like him spending time with her, which Palek dismisses. He asks if his father knows since he built the house and she says he left so he doesn't have a right to it. Palek says his father called and left a message and Carolyn thought it was him. His mom defensively says he sounds nothing like him and he was a bad father. Palek then lists all the games and classes his father went to that his mother never did.

I can't name one person without family issues. Is there any tension with your in-laws? If so, how do you handle it? I've had run-ins with my SIL and MIL in the past but thankfully, since we've been married, they have tapered off quite a bit. I hate to make DH the mediator between us but unfortunately, it always seems to go that way.

Carolyn goes with Palek, to check on the construction of her sister's new house. She says she feels a little off and she is really hungry. Palek excuses himself and calls his father, telling him he doesn't want a relationship with him.

Again, it's like at what point do we draw the line between what we dream up and what is real? I realized that once I started having 15 symptoms noted on my FF chart, in the 2ww alone, enough was enough. I had to stop overanalyzing every little twinge.

Toilet flushes. Carolyn asks Palek to go buy her more tests. Obvious negative. She uses brand after brand, which Palek hands over disappointingly, but it says the same thing. She is in complete shock. He suggests she should get a beta. She says she is done and she just can't do it anymore.

Have you used different brands to see if you get a different result? I think DH would kill me if I spent a fortune on HPTs so I haven't really been guilty of this. I probably would be though it weren't for the consequences. Do you think she will really stop TTC? We'll find out more next week...