Monday, October 08, 2007

Tell Me You Love Me: Episode 05

Carolyn wakes Palek up the morning before the IUI, saying she can't sleep. She thanks him for agreeing to the insemination. He says she doesn't need to thank him and jokingly says he's happy to oblige by "masterbating into a cup in a public place surrounded by nurses". He tries to have sex with her but she reminds him that they can't jeopardize everything.

Next scene is Carolyn at the clinic. She gets an u/s and it shows one nice follicle. Palek holds her hand as she gets the IUI, which the tech describes is "like a pap smear". The tech also said the sperm sample looked "really good". She inserts the catheter and notices Carolyn has a tilted uterus. After the procedure, she tells her to get on all fours. After the tech leaves, Palek asks her how it felt. She says it felt "demystified" but she's glad they did it. He says he is glad too.

For those of you who have gone through IUI, did it feel similar to a pap? Did it "demystify" the baby-making process since you aren't going au naturale? Also, for any of you with a tilted uterus, do you get on all fours afterward? I have a tilted uterus, although they couldn't tell if it tilted backward or forward. Maybe that would help us a bit...

Later, Palek is at an electronics store and sees a father with his young son. The boy begins crying as the father retrieves a cell phone and balances a cup of coffee. The father, quite flustered by this point, then argues over the phone with his wife as Palek looks on, bewildered. Meanwhile, Carolyn looks up symptoms of pregnancy on the internet.

I was wondering what Palek was thinking. He looked scared shitless like "holy crap, this is going to be me". Have you ever witnessed a situation like this? How did it make you feel? I remember, one time, I was in a restaurant and this little boy was screaming bloody murder. The mother had to take him outside and I just asked myself if I really am ready for motherhood. I thought about how I would react if I were her. Sometimes, I think I'd do things differently and be a better mother. And other times, I psyche myself out. But ultimately, I think it's about balancing the good and the bad. There are going to be temper tantrums and vomit and misbehaving but there are also going to be moments of pure happiness. Watching my child laugh. Teaching them new things and watching as they learn. Hearing them tell me they love me. I want to cherish every moment, good and bad, because I will know how close I was to never experiencing any of it.

The next scene shows Carolyn getting up to take a shower. She looks in the mirror to see if anything about her appearance has changed. She comes back into the bedroom with a smile and she and Palek share an intimate moment.

During the 2ww, do you look in the mirror for changes in your body? What do you look for? I should know better by now but I regularly look for some miraculous change that will tell me that I'm pregnant. It's like I'm waiting for a tattoo to show up on my forehead that reads "YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Carolyn gets out of the shower and feels her breasts. She tells Palek they are different. He asks if she feels like she did when she was pregnant before and she says she does. Palek is wowed.

I know that my breasts feel heavy right before AF comes. And they did get much bigger after my BFPs. So, in short, I can't really tell much from the boobs. It's hit or miss as a pregnancy symptom. Those of you with your BFPs, what was your first sign that something was different?

At work, Carolyn buys a sandwich from the cart lady. And some potato salad. The cart lady mentions she was late because her daughter was sick. Carolyn tells her she is pregnant - even though she's not sure. I think she just wanted to hear a congratulations. The woman tells her being a mom is the best thing in the world and she'll love it. And then gives her a cookie on the house.

What do you think about this? I can't say I've ever done that. I'd be too afraid I'd be found out and then I'd be perceived as desperate and lame.

Palek visits his mother and she tells him she is selling the house he grew up in. He is surprised his mom didn't tell him since he works in real estate. She says Carolyn doesn't like him spending time with her, which Palek dismisses. He asks if his father knows since he built the house and she says he left so he doesn't have a right to it. Palek says his father called and left a message and Carolyn thought it was him. His mom defensively says he sounds nothing like him and he was a bad father. Palek then lists all the games and classes his father went to that his mother never did.

I can't name one person without family issues. Is there any tension with your in-laws? If so, how do you handle it? I've had run-ins with my SIL and MIL in the past but thankfully, since we've been married, they have tapered off quite a bit. I hate to make DH the mediator between us but unfortunately, it always seems to go that way.

Carolyn goes with Palek, to check on the construction of her sister's new house. She says she feels a little off and she is really hungry. Palek excuses himself and calls his father, telling him he doesn't want a relationship with him.

Again, it's like at what point do we draw the line between what we dream up and what is real? I realized that once I started having 15 symptoms noted on my FF chart, in the 2ww alone, enough was enough. I had to stop overanalyzing every little twinge.

Toilet flushes. Carolyn asks Palek to go buy her more tests. Obvious negative. She uses brand after brand, which Palek hands over disappointingly, but it says the same thing. She is in complete shock. He suggests she should get a beta. She says she is done and she just can't do it anymore.

Have you used different brands to see if you get a different result? I think DH would kill me if I spent a fortune on HPTs so I haven't really been guilty of this. I probably would be though it weren't for the consequences. Do you think she will really stop TTC? We'll find out more next week...


Hilary said...

I don't think I'd have the guts to tell anyone I was pregnant before I actually knew for sure. Aside from seeming desperate and pathetic if it was discovered I wasn't, I think I'd be more concerned with "jinxing" myself (even though I'm trying hard not to believe in that stuff anymore). I dunno, it seems like thumbing your nose at fate, to me.

Oh, and the different brands of tests? Yup, done that one. If my husband had even the slightest inclination how much money I've spent on tests, he would flip out. I know it's totally silly to think that a different brand would yield different results, but when you're in the moment, it seems like a reasonable idea. Looking back now, it sounds ridiculous.

Dianne/Flutter said...

Never told anyone I was pregnant...because it would of been a lie.

I've done the different tests. Eight tests was my most - my first hopeful cycle.

If the writers decide she is done, well I'll be disappointed. It seems they may be doing a good job. (Not sure about the all four tilted uterus thing.) But the other parts are all right. Also, I wish they would have prolonged the answer to the test until at least next week. More realistic if you ask me.

lub said...

Question #1- I was told the same thing about IUI- it feels like a pap smear. I guess it did- it doesn't hurt. You are cranked open with the speculum so I guess that's like a pap.
Question #2- It is weird that you might get pregnant without having sex. It does demystify in a way. I remember thinking that a virgin could get pregnant this way. I don't know why I thought that but I did.
Question #3- I have a tilted uterus but was not told to get on all 4's.
Question #4- I always wonder how I would handle situations if it were me- like you, sometimes I feel like I would handle them better and sometimes I think, "holy crap"
Question #5- I totally check myself out in the mirror daily during the 2ww. I have thought so many times that I must be pregnant and then I am not. I am trying to be better about over analyzing. The only true tell symptom for me is an elevated temperature past AF due date. That happened only once and I was pregnant (albeit brief...)
Question #6- what the hell was she thinking telling that woman that she's pregnant!?! I would think that would be a jinx without a doubt!
Question #7- As far as my in-laws go- I can't think of any run ins per se. They are basically good people.
Question #8- I usually buy hpts with more than one in the box and therefore they are the same brand. I probably would use more than one brand though- if they were free.
Question #9- I doubt she will stop ttc. I have said that at the end of a million cycles...

Chili said...

Sore/larger boobs is a common 'AF is coming' symptom for me - the difference now that I am pregnant is all in the areolas - they're larger and darker, and the 'bumps' around my nipples (Montgomery glands) are more noticeable.

Sunny said...

My IUI totally felt like a Pap. In fact it was easier than a pap. You know I never thought like it was strange trying to get pregnant that way. I think having sex a million different times for ttc purposes, those times go into the, a man squirts semen into me. Sounds crazy but...

Oh and the boob thing, totally had major boob pain. In fact I told my friends my boobs were broken when I was pregnant before I found out I was. So now I think, man my boob hurt, maybe I am pregnant. So stupid!

Courtney said...

I have had various ideas about body changes and hpt effectiveness. The ugly truth is that if I look especially bloated, I assume that I MUST be pregnant because there is no way I could look like that otherwise. I have also tried out many different brands of tests, but that is mainly because I have fooled myself that the others are 'broken'.

Maybe I need to reset my brain...

Geohde said...

I generally obsess about my LACK of symptoms in the TWW.

I only POAS the bare minimum number of times consistant with a valid result.

But two years of this business tends to make me laugh with mirth at the concept that actual pregnancy might ever occur.



Melissa said...

I have a very tilted uterus, which my ob/gyn warned me that it might be "slightly trickier" to conceive. I think I've tried lots of post-BD positions to help the swimmers along, but the all-fours position just wasn't working for me. I think it caused more leakage than any other position. However, lying on my tummy with a very fat pillow under my hips/pelvis works nicely.

I'm guilty of checking myself out in the mirror during the two week wait, although I must admit that I never saw any differences in my appearance when I was pregnant. I'm not sure why I continue to do it.

I admit that I'm obsessive-compulsive in the HPT category. A couple of months back, I went overboard on eBay and bought boxes upon boxes of top name brand HPTs. I have a shopping bag filled to the brim with tests, and I generally test with a few brands at the same time so that there's no confusion. I doubt my husband knows about my weird HPT buying/testing habits, although he probably wouldn't care. At most, he'd get a good chuckle from it. ;-)

jess said...

My IUI was extremely painful, but I have endometriosis and a tilted uterus. My doctor knew my uterus was tilted and he never said to get on all fours? He told me to just prop my hips up and lay there for 30 minutes. My uterus is tilted backwards. So, I wonder if you have sex doggy style if it would increase your chances of conceiving, if you have a tilted uterus? I cannot believe I just asked that question and everyone in the world will see it.

I always convince myself that I'm pregnant every month. I'll be like "wow, there was a sharp twitch in my side!" and automatically assume it's implantation. I do look in the mirror and I focus on my breasts, to see if there are any crazy changes in them. But, the thing is, pregnancy and period symptoms are exactly alike! I try to not stress over it anymore and just wait for the period, which seems to always come two days late now. So, you could only imagine how many HPT's I go through in those two days. LOL.

Artblog said...

I dont get this show here, heard it wasent very good as it happens. anyway, who ever heard of going on all fours with a tilted uterus. propping bum up should be enough, though isnt that the point of doing an IUI? she sounds a little mad and obseessed to pee on so many sticks and tell people shes pregnant! Wouldn't mind seeing the show just to see how bonkers she really is :)

And my IUI was completely painfree, so no worry there.

question 2 did make me think a lot, but in a good way, it was a relief not to "have to", if you see what i mean.

and i can tell you that looks don't change that much in the first week of pregnancy, more like the same symptoms as pms. Its all in her head!

Like I said she sounds a little barmy! DONT, whatever you do, take example from her!


Samantha said...

I think some these behaviors of Carolyn are done for the benefit of TV - like telling the woman she's pregnant, obsessing over symptoms so outwardly. I know when I'm in my tww, I do a lot of wondering and obsessing and wishing, but it's all very private and that wouldn't come across so well on a TV show. In fact, it would probably be rather boring!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I would say my IUI was more uncomfortable than a pap. The doctor had a hard time getting the the catheter in and had to get a different one. It was far more uncomfortable than a pap, but not really painful.

chicklet said...

I think Carolyn's a bit nuts. I hope this doesn't offend anyone who might be like her, but she goes too far for my liking. I could never announce it before I knew, or pee on multiple sticks after a negative - one's enough for me.

T said...

Well what the hell is this you're going to get me addicted to? heh, heh.

Don't remember my iui's - too long ago, but I never got on all fours, although my retro ute was diagnosed then.

Have peed on different tests - different tests have different levels - ergo. That said - I only just started hpt'ing on ivf #6, so haven't spent a ton of money and I've never done more than two in one day.

I would never - NEVER tell anyone before I knew for certain. You're just not pregnant after an iui, no matter how much you'd like to be.

I never check myself out in the mirror, but then again, I never feel my boobs, so perhaps I'm the weirdo. My symptoms are extreme exhaustion and thirst - but those are brought on by the progesterone supplementation anyway, so I don't think about symptoms too much (haha!! this means,not as much as I used to) during the 2ww.


I remember seeing the promos for this show when Big Love was on, it seemed so emotional! I chose not to watch it.

Katie said...

I look for the veins on my chest (not my breasts, but above) to stand out more than usual. Always my first physical sign. Also, I posted about my pregnant smell. My husband is the best test of all!

SaraS-P said...

Ok, my one IUI was nothing like a PAP, and no, I did not go on all fours. Like you, I wonder if I should have?

I've never told anyone I was pregnant before getting some sort of BFP. That is just asking for it.

Yodasmistress said...

My IUI was very uncomfortable - bordering closely on actual pain. My paps are only mildly uncomfortable.

I have never, and would never tell anyone I was pregnant without actually being sure I was.

Early on in the TTC game I was guilty of examining certain parts of my anatomy in the mirror for signs of pg. But I haven't done it in a looooong time. Now I know that it can all be in my head and the only thing that will tell me for sure is an HPT!

Foreverhopeful said...

I started watching this show because of your posts. I love your summary and questions you bring up from it. I think I like reading your description more than actually watching it.

I've never told anyone I was pregnant (I'm a terrible liar) and I've never done that many tests either. I've had several IUI's and one nurse was rough and it was super uncomfortable and painful and I spotted afterwards for the whole 2WW.