Saturday, September 01, 2007

In Memory Of Issac

On August 5, 2007, a friend of my dear friend Holly lost her baby son, Isaac, to a congenital heart defect. Her story is truly amazing and inspiring. Her faith leaves me simply in awe. Only read it if you are prepared to sob. I have never met this woman but yet I feel so moved by her. I mourn right alongside her.

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I often wonder how I would react if a tragedy such as this happened to me. Would I worship God and praise him for taking my baby to heaven, away from the pain of this world? Or would I selfishly curse him for taking my baby, who should be with me here on earth? There is no question that this battle with infertility makes you question your faith at times. I often feel my faith wavering. Why would God give you a child who knowingly will not survive? The saying goes that God will only give you what he thinks you can handle. And situations such as this really do show your strength of will. But, in a way, I just find it unfair that such good people have to be tested this way while others will never know the pain of such a profound loss. I don't understand it and perhaps I never will. Perhaps it is not about understanding but more about accepting life for what it is.

I have always known this but sometimes I need a good kick in the rear to rightfully acknowledge it. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. While it seems that we are entitled to have a baby because we have the anatomy to do so or live the life we've dreamed of because we are here, it is not certain that it will ever come to fruition. This goes hand in hand with achieving my definition of happiness. I must accept my life in its current state in order to be truly happy. Some people will never be able to do that. I am trying to appreciate the good in my life despite the bad. But acceptance takes time. I just hope time doesn't run out before I am able to do so.

In the meantime, while I work on improving myself, I will continue to read those who inspire me to be a better person. This blog certainly motivated me to regain my faith and trust that there is a plan for me. It may not be the plan that I had for myself, but no matter what, it will be okay. Even in my darkest hour, I must believe I will be okay.


Geohde said...

It is *so* true that nothing is guaranteed, and all the modern healthcare in the world can't cure everything.

But interestingly, it has become a cultural expectation that either everything will always go perfectly, or be curable. I guess that most people just never get exposed to bad stuff anymore.

I so sorry about the sad news. So very sorry.

LeRoy Dissing said...

What death does makes us do is face a grim reality - and repriortize what is really important in life. As has been said before, no one will remember how much money you had in the bank while you were alive, but they will remember how you treated others and nurtured relationships.

Living each day as it could be our last (and who really knows that it might be), enjoying what we have and not dwelling on what we don't, maybe living life to the fullest??

I am sorry about Issac too. You are right that we will never know this side of heaven why these things happen but I believe there will be a time when we can find out.

You are far ahead of many in your thoughts. These thoughts are ones that people struggle with their whole life. Perhaps it defines our limits and our own mortality. Great post!

Holly Crosley said...

My sweet Kristen,

Thank you for posting this in honor of sweet baby Isaac. Patience and Jordan truly are amazing people of the Lord and are a great testimony to me and all who know them. (in person or through their blog. You are an amazing woman and I know there is a child in the plans for you. It may be or not be the way you had expected, but you are destined to be a mother. I know you have been through such a long and grueling journey, but trust HIM and have faith that you will receive. You will be a mother and you will be a blessing to that sweet child who is so lucky to be yours! I love you.

Lori said...

IF made me go through a years-long "dark night of the soul."

I still can't answer the question for myself: if god is all-knowing and all-powerful, why does stuff like this happen?

What a nice tribute to Isaac and his parents.

Foreverhopeful said...

Oh my gosh.. I'm in tears. Thank you for sharing their story and link. This is such a sad story but also a story of strength, courage and love. What an amazing story and tribute you wrote.

Mrs. Piggy said...

That wasnt a good thing to watch/read before going to work. That is the saddest thing Ive seen in awhile.