Monday, December 18, 2006

Here We Go Again...

...down the only road I've ever known. I tested yesterday at 13dpo and got a BFN. I always tell myself not to get my hopes up, but I never seem to listen. I was truly hoping for a Christmas baby so I could share the news with family. I had visions emblazoned in my mind of my parents unwrapping the pregnancy test, shrieking with excitement. Or seeing the look of pure joy on our friends faces when we share the good news. Even hanging a test on our tree and having DH look for the "new ornament" I found. DH rubbing my belly and picking me up and kissing me after our dreams finally came true. Unfortunately, there will be none of that this year. 2006 has been a bust and now we wait for cycle #11.

Even though AF hasn't yet shown her face, I know it is bound to happen in the next couple of days. My small temp dip today was enough to erase my "possibly triphasic" message. Of course, there is always that less than 1% chance that I tested too early and that a BFP is still in the cards. But that stark white test pretty much confirmed what I knew would be true. Truth is that I can't even envision seeing 2 pink lines on a test. I can picture everything else but that. I feel like an abused puppy that cowers when its owner raises a rolled-up newspaper. I can anticipate the outcome before it occurs. I've been beaten up so many times from negative tests that I come to expect it each time.

All I can do now is pray for a New Year's baby. I hope that 2007 changes our luck but I know that it will probably take work on our part. I'm just not sure of how much work. If it is true that good things come to those who wait, us TTCers should encounter monumentous things in the future.

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