Healing

I am happy to report that my neighborhood-(un)friendly abscess has almost vanished. It is still there but it has been draining this week (ewwwww!) and is starting to peel and itch. It is much much smaller in surface area and less red than just a week ago so I know that I'm doing something right. As a matter of fact, it isn't even painful at all. I am keeping the area nice and clean and I still have 3 days left of antibiotics so hopefully, it will be cleared up soon and all of that nasty bacteria will be gone forever. I was beginning to worry that I would have to amputate my leg at the knee in order to save Sunshine from any creeping uglies. Thankfully, I am 99.9% sure I will get to keep my leg and my baby.

Speaking of Sunshine, we hit the 11 week milestone yesterday. This is entering the danger zone, for we officially lost Snowflake at 11w3d, which would be Sunday. I do not think the same fate will befall us this time yet I can't help but feel the anxiety. How can I be so sure? If we make it to Monday, it will be the furthest along that I've ever been. It will be a time to celebrate. Just a little. And then again when we reach 13 weeks, I can break out the confetti once more. Each tiny milestone that we pass is just one step closer to a live baby. I still have a long way to go but we are getting there slowly but surely. I'm trying to remain positive and enjoy the few moments in which I am not consumed by the aftershocks of IF.

I have been noticeably absent from the boards on FF lately. I just can't handle the posts about miscarriage on the August DD boards (there are many) and while I still check in on my girls still in the trenches, it is hard for me to reach out to them. I am just a painful reminder of where they would give their right arm to be. And I respect that they need space. I just miss the camaraderie. I'm not trying to sound whiny here because I know that a lack of readership and contact is an unfortunate consequence of the p-word. I just don't want my friends to think I have forgotten all about them and have abandoned them for the land of babies. I think of all of you each and every day, and I still fight for you. I just don't come to you because I don't want to hurt or offend you.

Warning: I'm about to talk about nitty-gritty p-word details so if this turns your stomach, I urge you not to read further. It won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

The great symptom-watch of 2008 is on. I have not had morning sickness so I've clung to my other symptoms as signs that my death trap of a uterus has been disassembled. While my OB says I should thank my lucky stars that I haven't had to hug the toilet bowl, the rumor about "morning sickness = less chance of miscarriage" still echoes in my ear. Sure, I've had some mild to moderate nausea. But nothing terribly strong. At this point, have I most likely skipped over that side effect? Or can it still hit me at any time?

I have the skin of a 12-year old. I certainly don't have a "glow", unless you point me toward an Oreo milkshake. Then, my face lights up like a fat kid in a candy store. I eat a full-sized meal and then I'm hungry again 2-3 hours later. Usually craving junk food. I've tried to eat a balanced, nutritious diet but there are times when my cravings take over and there is no stopping them.

Which is probably why I've gained about 5 lbs. so far. A bit more than I would have liked to put on. I definitely have no waistline left and buttoning (sometimes even zipping) up my pants is a distant memory. Not that I'm complaining at all. I know some things can get lost in translation and you may be thinking, "WTF are you whining for? You have it made!". I realize what all of this means and I love it. No doubt. I'll take it all and then some. I'll fight a million abscesses to get to my baby - but please, no.

Just crossing my fingers and whistling my way through Sunday. And a little church could never hurt.