Friday, January 18, 2008

Healing

I am happy to report that my neighborhood-(un)friendly abscess has almost vanished. It is still there but it has been draining this week (ewwwww!) and is starting to peel and itch. It is much much smaller in surface area and less red than just a week ago so I know that I'm doing something right. As a matter of fact, it isn't even painful at all. I am keeping the area nice and clean and I still have 3 days left of antibiotics so hopefully, it will be cleared up soon and all of that nasty bacteria will be gone forever. I was beginning to worry that I would have to amputate my leg at the knee in order to save Sunshine from any creeping uglies. Thankfully, I am 99.9% sure I will get to keep my leg and my baby.

Speaking of Sunshine, we hit the 11 week milestone yesterday. This is entering the danger zone, for we officially lost Snowflake at 11w3d, which would be Sunday. I do not think the same fate will befall us this time yet I can't help but feel the anxiety. How can I be so sure? If we make it to Monday, it will be the furthest along that I've ever been. It will be a time to celebrate. Just a little. And then again when we reach 13 weeks, I can break out the confetti once more. Each tiny milestone that we pass is just one step closer to a live baby. I still have a long way to go but we are getting there slowly but surely. I'm trying to remain positive and enjoy the few moments in which I am not consumed by the aftershocks of IF.

I have been noticeably absent from the boards on FF lately. I just can't handle the posts about miscarriage on the August DD boards (there are many) and while I still check in on my girls still in the trenches, it is hard for me to reach out to them. I am just a painful reminder of where they would give their right arm to be. And I respect that they need space. I just miss the camaraderie. I'm not trying to sound whiny here because I know that a lack of readership and contact is an unfortunate consequence of the p-word. I just don't want my friends to think I have forgotten all about them and have abandoned them for the land of babies. I think of all of you each and every day, and I still fight for you. I just don't come to you because I don't want to hurt or offend you.

Warning: I'm about to talk about nitty-gritty p-word details so if this turns your stomach, I urge you not to read further. It won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

The great symptom-watch of 2008 is on. I have not had morning sickness so I've clung to my other symptoms as signs that my death trap of a uterus has been disassembled. While my OB says I should thank my lucky stars that I haven't had to hug the toilet bowl, the rumor about "morning sickness = less chance of miscarriage" still echoes in my ear. Sure, I've had some mild to moderate nausea. But nothing terribly strong. At this point, have I most likely skipped over that side effect? Or can it still hit me at any time?

I have the skin of a 12-year old. I certainly don't have a "glow", unless you point me toward an Oreo milkshake. Then, my face lights up like a fat kid in a candy store. I eat a full-sized meal and then I'm hungry again 2-3 hours later. Usually craving junk food. I've tried to eat a balanced, nutritious diet but there are times when my cravings take over and there is no stopping them.

Which is probably why I've gained about 5 lbs. so far. A bit more than I would have liked to put on. I definitely have no waistline left and buttoning (sometimes even zipping) up my pants is a distant memory. Not that I'm complaining at all. I know some things can get lost in translation and you may be thinking, "WTF are you whining for? You have it made!". I realize what all of this means and I love it. No doubt. I'll take it all and then some. I'll fight a million abscesses to get to my baby - but please, no.

Just crossing my fingers and whistling my way through Sunday. And a little church could never hurt.

18 comments:

Emily said...

Happy 11 weeks!

I'm praying for you and DH and Sunshine.

and BTW, no morning sickness here either...just some nausea here and there. and, well, you know how that story ended! :) He's next to me asleep right now!

M said...

I will be thinking about you over the weekend. I know all to well how great it is to pass those milestones.

As for FF...I totally understand...I would only open "safe" posts in my opinion for the longest time...and I also don't comment on those that I worry I might offend. I think it is normal.

As for morning sickness....I had none...and got a little nauseated around 12-13 weeks for a short time. So maybe we are just the lucky ones. :D

I am holding lots of HOPE for you this weekend and will be here to celebrate Monday with ya!!!

alison said...

Praying for you and Sunshine! Have a great weekend!

Fertilize Me said...

Happy 11 weeks! congrats. I am praying you have a great weekend and continue to make sunshine happy with all of your hunger/cravings. (i am not a believer of the m/s=better, healthier pregnancy - so just try and hang in there)

I completely can understand and relate to the ok, now what i am pregnant and not sure where I fit in. I found the IVFconnections.com boards. I have found a very good grop of women all due in july with me - check that out if ya want. (it's for all types of art)

Grad3 said...

It's hard place to be- you still have the mind of IF'er and yet you are pregnant. It's not an easy line to walk.

Good luck with your milestones- you've come a long way!

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

Slowly but SURELY. I'm following your blog intently so keep these posts coming! We have really similar symptoms and I'm only a week or so behind you so checking in on you is like taking a peek a week into the future for me!

Go SUNSHINE!

Holly Crosley said...

So happy things are going to so well. I too had NO morning sickness. I only got nauseous once or twice and I have a perfect baby girl to show for it. Don't let your mind be consumed with that nonsense about m/s. You too are going to welcome a perfect little Sunshine!

megan said...

happy 11 weeks! a few more and you'll reach that second trimester milestone! glad to hear your abcess is getting better. have a good weekend.

Meghan said...

So glad you posted, I was getting worried.

Never really understood these posts before, but now I totally get it. I have no idea what to write about.

I'll be thinking of you this weekend as you cross this milestone!

Natalie said...

You're already 11 weeks? WOW! Time flies! I'll be thinking about you a lot this weekend.

Kim said...

Happy 11 Weeks! I'm so thrilled that you're doing so well. And I still can't believe that we're only a day apart!

Geohde said...

Happy 11 weeks. Wishing you many more,

J

Elizabeth said...

Yay for 11 weeks! Your symptoms sound really similar to mine at that time (I'm 20w4d now). I can also relate to the mixed feelings about what to keep reading and where to post. We rely so much on this community, and want to give support as well, but being pg can feel weird because it is a change of status. Anyway, thinking of you this weekend!

Mands said...

I only reached about 4 weeks, but my BFF had mild nausea for the first 3 months, and nothing after that. She never threw up once. Her little boy is about to turn 4.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Glad to hear the abscess is going away. Congratulations on 11 weeks! Wow, time flies! I wouldn't worry about the morning sickness, my sister didn't have it and she has a beautiful little girl. Thinking of you always and wishing the best for you! HUGS!

Polka Dot said...

Here's to smooth sailing through today for both you and the little one!

MoonNStarMommy said...

So how did today go!?!?! Today was *the* day right?

I hope it went well for you and there were no scares at all...

I know what you mean and how you feel about the whole not wanting to upset those who are still trying, it's so hard, the emotions you go through TTC... and then after you've been in those shoes, the emotions you go through pregnant aren't all much easier... however we have something to be thankful for beyond measure.

Much luck!!

Oh and if you are interested, there are a couple Pregnancy Groups on Yahoo - there are some great girls on there Summer one.. (from I don't remember to September)

Baby Blankenship said...

You and Sunshine are always on my mind...Praying for you!!!

XOXO