Someone Pissed In My Cheerios

As you can probably tell from the title, today's scan didn't go so well.

There were an assortment of follies but all of them were pretty small and insignificant. The largest follie I had was a 12mm on the right. Lovely. The two follies I had last cycle were bigger than that at this point. Even if the largest one catches up by Tuesday's repeat scan, I don't have much hope that it will be a golden egg. I just feel this cycle is already a bust.

I think my ovaries are starting to become acclimated to 100mg Clomid. They responded well during the first cycle of 100mg and I got my BFP. Last month - my second 100mg cycle - I had two follies but they were a good bit smaller than the ones from my BFP cycle. And now, I'm not responding at all. Or barely. Has anyone else had this experience? I feel like it is a waste of time at this point. I either want to go up to 150mg or take a break to save for injects. I hate this waiting in limbo crap.

After the news, I called DH and cried a little. I'm tired of always fighting this battle. I was frustrated and pissed off. We can do the same exact thing every cycle - same protocol, same BD, same everything - and it doesn't mean that it will turn out the same way it did in May. It's amazing to me how I can respond well twice and the third time, I get nada. WTF?

So, I met my mom at the mall for some retail therapy. I contemplated buying a puppy in the pet store but reason interceded and I decided it wouldn't be in the best interest of an animal to live in a third-story apartment with owners that work all day long. Then, I contemplated buying a Juicy Couture purse but rationally decided that it was impractical. Instead, I spent $150 on makeup, over which I now have a case of buyer's remorse. DH looked like a deer in headlights when I confessed about my splurge but he didn't dare scold me. He knew I needed to do something good for myself after the shitty morning. I even told him it could be part of my Christmas or birthday present but he insisted it was okay. I still might return some of it. I'm undecided. It made me feel good temporarily but nothing is going to replace the fact that I can't carry a baby. Hell, I can't even ovulate when I'm on medication to do so. This just sucks a big fat one.