Sunday, October 21, 2007

Tell Me You Love Me: Episode 07

Last week, Palek told Carolyn he no longer wanted kids. Let's see how this week plays out.

Carolyn meets Palek for dinner. She complains that she is starving and has the worst PMS - her "tits are going to explode" and she is going to get her period any minute. Palek tells her they got an offer on the house. She says that is great but hesitates and mentions that it just happened so quickly. Palek reminds her that she agreed to sell and she admits she did. They decide to go forward with the move.

But they hit a small snag. The buyer wants a short escrow - to close in 20 days so he can go on a skiing trip. Carolyn says she won't move in 20 days but Palek pushes and says it is a good offer and they should do it. He says he doesn't get why everything is her decision. She disagrees and she says he's the one making big decisions lately. As a matter of fact he probably made them a while ago. He said they tried for a baby and it didn't work out but that it if would've happened, he would have dealt with it and they should just move on. She said it is obviously easier for him to move on because he was never in it. He said that she told him she was done. He changes the subject and says he knows a great broker who can find them a temporary house until they find one or build one. He can't wait to get out of the house fast enough. Carolyn agrees.

Carolyn and Palek look at another place - fully furnished and not even listed yet. She says she hates what he does for a living with houses. They move once a year. She asks how much longer they have to do this. He responds and asks her how much longer she'll be a lawyer. She decides she doesn't like it with its wicker decor. They look at another place and she says it is small and that they are going backward. But they go for it anyway.

I get the feeling that they think moving will make their problems magically go away. The house may be a reminder of bad times but that doesn't mean that problems don't follow you wherever you go. Their constant bickering is just touching the surface of their real issues. Would you have gone ahead with the move despite the short notice? Would you be talking about TTC again or would you sweep it under the carpet to avoid confrontation? I am more of the type to stand up if I don't think something is right. I don't like arguing about small matters but when it is something that is dear to me, I'm not very submissive. I am also sensing a power shift between Carolyn and Palek. There was a time that she was calling all the shots and now it seems Palek has taken over. There has never really been a balance. Do you feel that balance is critical to a successful marriage or is it natural for power and authority to swip-swap between men and women?

Carolyn and Palek are packing up their place and he says it looks smaller but she says it is just more empty. Then they have sex on the floor. But its strange. Carolyn is distracted. He whispers he loves her but she doesn't say it back.

Her face seemed as though she would rather be anywhere else. And I'm 99.9% sure that she faked her orgasm. Again, this is a surface issue because they are not dealing with their problems. They are ignoring the big pink elephant in the room and it is just going to spiral out of control if they don't stop it. And soon.

Palek goes out with his friends, Nate and Shawn, for some drinks - Shawn is the guy buying his house. They ask Palek why he's selling and he says it is time for change. His friend Nate (the one who's wife is preggo with #3) says it is because they are ready to have kids and it is no place for kids. Shawn says he's not having kids and goes to flirt with some chick. Nate says he misses that and asks Palek if he does. He stares longingly but doesn't respond.

I'm sure it is a common thing for men to think about what they might be missing out on by being married and/or having kids. Women do the same thing. I just hope that when all is said and done, they can appreciate what they do have. The love. The companionship. The devotion and loyalty. I hope that Palek isn't going to go there and have an affair. That will piss me right off. Maybe because it is embellishing one of my main fears.

Carolyn calls her sister over to the new place. She said she doesn't want to go back to the old place. They drink and she spills the beans about TTC. She said she assumed they'd always get pregnant the minute she decided she wanted to try. After 6 months, then 8 months and more, she became concerned. It comes out that Palek is the one who wanted to go to therapy and she said she thinks it is because he has his own issues. She said the minute they stopped trying, "everything went to shit".

I was glad that Carolyn finally confided in someone about their problems. I think it is so important to vent. Maybe this will help her to come to terms with her feelings and confront Palek. Who do you vent to about TTC? Do you find it helps or hurts your relationship with your partner? I find this blog and my fertility friends to be the best place to vent. Y'all just "get it". I don't have to really explain or break it down in layman's terms. It's nice to talk to people who don't think I'm obsessive or crazy. Or who at least would support me even if I were!

Palek and Carolyn come home and he tries to initiate sex. She says she is tired and doesn't want to. He persists and she says no. He flips out and says that he had sex on demand for a year and she should do what he did. She said she thought it was something they both wanted. He said he guesses it is too much to ask to have sex for fun and not for making a baby. She tells him if he needs it so badly, to go jerk off.

This scene just really irritated me. I agree that just because Palek had sex on demand, it doesn't mean that Carolyn should just spread her legs at his command. BD should have been something they both wanted but more and more, it is appearing that Palek really didn't want a baby. It was like he was appeasing Carolyn. Do you think that Carolyn was obligated to "return the favor"?

The next day, Palek goes back to the suit store where he was a few weeks ago. Again, he flirts with the saleswoman.

Okay, they are really setting this up for infidelity. And if they go there, I am going to be sooooo mad. Palek better behave himself, so help me.

Meanwhile, Carolyn is back at home and wipes but there is nothing on the TP. She checks her PDA and realizes her period is late. She takes a test and...










2 lines automatically pop up. She smiles and tears well up in her eyes.

WTF? Either that is the fastest resolution of an infertility diagnosis or they are setting us up for a loss. What is Palek going to think about this? I can't wait for next week now.

And for those who watched the couple interviews, did you want to smack some of those people? Especially the ones who said Carolyn only wanted him for his sperm and that she demoralized him. HELLO! Weren't they supposed to be in it together?! So sorry that having a baby isn't always an accident from a missed pill. Or as easy as just trying when you want to. UGH! I wanted to strangle them!


Geohde said...

It's the reiteration of the stereotype that as soon as you stop trying it happens.




journey to junior said...

ITA with geohde. they could have gone so many places with the IF storyline, but instead they end up sticking with a cliche.

i think i'll stop watching the show now. in fact, i won't even bother with this episode...thanks for warning me, kristen!

Samantha said...

This show seems to be going in a downhill direction... infidelity... the pregnancy that happens right after they "stop trying"... They are looking less like real characters to me. I haven't seen the show, mind you, just read your synopses.

And Palek, what a fucking jerk! Demanding sex because he had to dealing with timing while they were trying to have a baby. That is just inexcusable behavior in my book. They will need to see a marriage counselor, and fast, if things are going to work out, but the show is certainly painting Palek as a most unlikable character.

SaraS-P said...


How could they?

I see countless assvice coming from this.

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

I am SOOOOO mad that the writers went this direction. It just feeds the ignorance about infertility. I think I am going to have to stop watching.

Grad3 said...

I love being able to read about this show as we don't have TV- thanks!

It is rather irritating that she just "becomes" pregnant. That's real life- didn't ya get the memo?

Sorry that this show has taken a turn- maybe they will focus on RPL? Ha! Yeah right...

GL with your cycle and I am cheering you on!

lub said...

I would not do well with a move that quick. I would totally bring up ttc again. I think balance is key but its okay to lean on one another when things get off kilter. Carolyn was not obligated to return the favor- please. And finally- I am sure there will be a loss here. Otherwise the couple's stigma will be lost. They have to remain "the infertiles" until at least the first season is over.

LeRoy Dissing said...

The show is becoming a bit predictable since it is following sterotypes as geonde and others mentioned in their comments. Their are definitely a host of issues going on under the surface that are not being discussed which is leading this couple down the road of infidelity - yours and every couple's fear at times.

When fear drives decisions, I think one needs to take a long look at what is going on because fear is not healthy in relationships. It can lead to abusive interactions. Pressuring a partner to submit to sex against their will could be viewed as that. Fortunately, he grudgingly respected her "no" decision but his idea now appear to be: there are other fish in the sea. If their relationship is this fragile now, having a baby isn't going to make it better in my opinion.

I do think that couples decide who makes decisions on certain subjects better over time and then they allow that to continue. In other words, I do think each couple consents to certain roles within the relationship allowing the other to make those decisions for the couple but only after it is explicitly discussed, understood and agreed to. The roles & the rules are negotiated over time (there may even be some pretty interesting disagreements at times). I'd sooner have that then "stonewalling" or what this couple is going through in the show.

I do think relationships ebb and flow like the tide. Very few remain static for very long. I think if this one can survive the issues they need to discuss and eventually will, they will have a much better understanding of each other and consequently, a more solid relationship.

Wordgirl said...

I was FUCKING PISSED OFF when she had a positive test...of course I was slightly put off by the line of dialogue in the restaurant about her 'tits' -- I was like --um what? Rewind the on Demand cable...Did she just say 'tits'? Do people really say that? And THEN to have her get pregnant...ah, so easy in the land of Architectual Digest...

Trish said...

I'm pretty close to giving up altogether.

She got her BFP and I wanted to hurl something at the screen.
Thank you, HBO for the next 25 freaking times I have to hear "Just stop thinking about it."

Yes, they are supposed to be in it together. And at times when I felt like my husband checked out.. well.. I checked in with him.

Argh! The show really frustrated me. REALLY, REALLY frustrated me.

Like.. going to go home tonight & look up the message boards for the show so I can bitch my head off.

chicklet said...

I'm not watching it anymore (ie. I didn't see this episode) as I couldn't take the drama that they made TTC. It's all about her just wanting his sperm and him/her not talking, which annoys me. Now to hear they got a positive test when they stopped trying - fuck! As per the rest of the girls, I see countless assvice coming out of this. It just reinforces the image of us crazy infertiles.

Regina said...

I know.. i watched that episode while dh was behind the computer and as soon as she said at the restaurant' oh a i majoring pmsing' or whatever, i just fucking knew she'd be pregnant. How lame is that? I was SOOO fuming! I mean get real! Sure.. that happens.. and the story of the couple that decided to adopt and then gets pregnant is real too.. oh wait they DID do that on the king of queens finale.. I hate tv! Just when you think you have an infertile comrade.. bam.. they get pregnant the 'natural' way.. HA!

Katie said...

I don't want this show, but I feel as if I do. The minute you said that he didn't want kids anymore, I knew it would happen.

Yep, I wonder about a loss, too. Like perhaps he won't be so crazy about the pregnancy and then he will feel badly when she loses the baby. And then perhaps HE will be into trying?!?!

lady in waiting said...

i am so with you on the TMYLM absurdity. my annoyance was with the fact that they stopped trying and were pg the next cycle. journey has it right - what a cliche. i thought this show was going to be different and groundbreaking, but it's just disappointing. when will someone get it right?

can we all write in to HBO and let them know how p'od we are, and how wrong they got it?