Sunday, October 14, 2007

Tell Me You Love Me: Episode 06

Carolyn and Palek are back in therapy, trying to break it off with the therapist. The therapist says that they should continue therapy but if not, to be sure to acknowledge and mourn their loss. They say they aren't trying anymore so there is no need for therapy. They say they've put it behind them. The therapist tells them to be kind to each other and wishes them all the best. As they leave, the comment about how weird it was. Palek tries to convince Carolyn to go for ice cream but she says she has to go back to work. They smile at each other and seem more like their normal selves.

Do you think it was a mistake for them to end therapy so quickly? I personally think they should stay. Even if they are numb right now, the feelings of loss and possible resentment will eventually return. They don't go away overnight.

Palek and Carolyn have their friends over for dinner and their 2 kids are fighting and misbehaving. The friend says she doesn't want to be too hard on them with the new baby on the way. She asks if they've "made any progress" and Carolyn says yes but cuts the conversation short. She goes in to soothe the kids and unsuccessfully attempts to pacify them. After they leave, Palek vents to Carolyn and says they should not be having more kids. She mentions the kids peaked when their friends named them. He says they dodged a bullet and if they had kids, they would be putting up with the same crap. Carolyn says they never really thought it through but Palek disagrees. She asks Palek if he really wanted kids when they were trying. He says he felt bad for her and he wasn't sure what he wanted. But he likes the life they have now. He doesn't want to be like their friends. She asks if he doesn't want kids anymore. He says he didn't say that but he isn't sure. He asks why they are talking about it since they decided they aren't trying again. Carolyn is taken aback and thought this break was temporary. So now, there is awkward silence. Carolyn says thank God she didn't get pregnant and leaves the room.

Have you ever looked at your fertile friends' lives and felt lucky that you weren't in their shoes? I have been guilty of this. I would spend the night over FIL's when SIL was visiting with the kids and when the baby would wake up screaming, I would think to myself "I'm so glad I get to sleep in". Not that I wouldn't be thankful for a baby that wouldn't sleep through the night for years but it does make me thankful for some of the things I get to enjoy in my life as it is now.

For those of you who took a TTC break, was there ever confusion about the timeframe? I think their lack of communication is evident. If Carolyn wanted to try again in the future, I think she should have made that clear to Palek. When she said she "couldn't do it anymore" last week, I think Palek assumed she was finished for good. Serious communication lapse.

Carolyn comes back home after a long drive to get away. Palek says he wants to put the house on the market because he hates it. Carolyn agrees and says it is full of bad memories. Palek says he is serious that he doesn't want kids anymore and asks Carolyn if she is okay with that. She says she doesn't know but she'll find out.

Call me crazy but I really didn't see this coming. Maybe he is still hurting and will change his mind again but he seems serious about living childfree. I am glad Carolyn didn't say she was okay with it. I am so afraid of this happening to DH and I. I am frightened that DH will want to give up before I am ready to stop trying. I just don't see how a marriage can remain healthy when one person wants kids and the other doesn't. I hope that therapy could help but if this were to happen, I would be scared I would resent him for making me give up that dream. It is so hard to think about and I try not to stress about it since we aren't to that point yet. But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't cross my mind occassionally.

Carolyn walks into her boss's office. The sandwich lady from last week apparently opened her mouth and told the entire firm she was pregnant. Carolyn tells her boss that she was on track to make partner at the law firm and wants to know if she is eligible for a promotion. The boss tells her she has been distracted and when Carolyn demands an answer, she tells her she isn't there yet. Carolyn calls her a bitch under her breath and goes back to her office. The sandwich lady comes in, asking her about her symptoms, and Carolyn confronts her. She tells her she knows she spread the news and told her to "start another whispering campaign" that she isn't pregnant. The sandwich lady is shocked and leaves.

Have you ever had someone spread the news about your pregnancy or your infertility? How did that make you feel? I have not yet been in this position but Carolyn never did say it was a secret. And if she didn't want anyone to blab about it, she should have never lied about her condition. I did feel bad that she can no longer make partner because of her fertility, or lack thereof. Is your job flexible when it comes to TTC? Would your job be at risk if you were to get pregnant? Thankfully, my office is chock full of women with small children so they are understanding and sympthetic about my fertility treatments. I realize this is extremely unique so if I ever had to switch jobs, I may not be so lucky.

Carolyn and Palek are in bed, watching TV. She asks if he wants to get high and retrieves a joint. They smoke up and Carolyn drops it on the sheets. They strip the sheets only to find out that they aren't burned. They laugh and then go on to make love on the unmade bed.

I have only smoked pot a few times in a my life and it always made me sleepy. I guess it took the edge off a little too much. There are times I feel like I could use a joint (like when AF shows up) but then again, it would probably only compound the problem. Not to mention it is illegal and even if I wanted it, I have no idea how to get it.

Carolyn and Palek have an open house. Carolyn is outside on the steps while Palek is inside handing out flyers. Her sister asks why she is selling it and Carolyn says she hates the kitchen and the neighbors. Note that there are only trees surrounding the house. After everyone leaves, Carolyn is visibly distressed and drinks a cup of coffee out on the steps.

I feel like this show is getting more interesting every week. The characters are getting more depth with each episode and I am really curious to see how this plays out. Do you think they will go back to therapy? Will they break up? Will he change his mind? I really can't predict this one so it keeps me on my toes.

P.S. Our show has been renewed for a second season! YAY for more infertility awareness!


Melissa said...

I'm so glad you're reviewing each episode! We don't have HBO, so instead I live vicariously through you! Thanks for the weekly TMYLM update! :)

Polka Dot said...

Same here - we don't have HBO so I don't get to watch it. It's nice to have someone give us a breakdown each week.

Also, I tagged you on an earlier blog for random facts. If you're interested, read a couple blogs down on mine and you'll see it.

LeRoy Dissing said...

Yeah, I think they will get back into therapy. I agree with you that they probably should not have left. Perhaps the therapist will make a followup call to see how they are doing and that will prompt them back into therapy. It is obvious they have some fertility communication issues to work on that could also be generalized to other areas of their life.

Carolyn, especially, does not communicate clearly (telling her partner she doesn't want more kids meaning forever when in reality it meant "for now")or in some cases outright tells falsehoods (i.e. telling people at work she is pregnant when she isn't).

I would examine why either of them wanted kids in the first place and why they chose each other to have kids with. I think they need to go back to square one to find out how they got to where they are now...and where they want to go.

Samantha said...

I like your reviews of the show too, since I can't watch it. Although one thing that worries me is that the show seems little over-dramatized. I mentioned this on your last posting. It's kind of like every unfortunate or whacked-out experience is getting thrown at this poor couple.

The couple obviously needs more therapy, but perhaps before more couples therapy, they each need to see someone individually. How do they feel about stopping indefinitely? It's not at all clear that either of them is sharing their feelings honestly or even knows what their honest feelings are.

I have looked at friends with children, and it does sometimes make me relish my freedom. I don't look at it as a bad thing, just that our lives are different, and having a child is wonderful, but that doesn't mean there aren't some downsides.

I'm also lucky that I don't think I've ever been in a job where getting pregnant or having children would put me at risk for discrimination.

dmarie said...

I don't know if they will, but I definitely think they should get back into therapy. They probably need separate sessions.

Anonymous said...

Carolyn is pregnant in episode 7

Elizabeth said...

Fortunately T. and I are usually on the same page about breaks and resuming trying. We did have some conflict this summer when I realized before he did that the extra consulting and teaching jobs he took on meant disrupting our possibility of doing any medicated cycles AT ALL.

We are not necessarily on the same page about IVF vs. adoption (he favors the first, I favor the second) but so far we haven't had to seriously hash that out yet.

I enjoy reading these recaps and the thoughtful questions you pose to go with them.

Fertilize Me said...

thats a huge long post filled with alot of stuffs. I did have a co-worker feel at liberty to sprend my infertility secret, she said that i was "crazy because i was taken fertility meds". She told my supervisor that she was worried about my stability .. I wanted to stab her- she told as many people as she could that my mental stability was not good..i posted all about it.

I think they should be more honest with eachother and I think therapy is a great tool for them,if they are going to open up and communicate. If not, I think it can do more harm

as for takin a break- i have taken many, I allowed my body and mind to let me know when i was ready to start again. My husband graciously allowed me to choose the timeframe and when I was ready to start back. I am glad for all the breaks I did take. It some what helped me look at things from a different viewpoint at times and allowed me some me time and Us time

this was a great post