Friday, September 21, 2007

Honeymoon My A$$

I've just been diagnosed with UTI #1,578. Well, I'm exaggerating a bit but it sure seems like it. I'm sure I'm getting close to the double digits with these things over the past 2 years. The doctor called it "honeymoon cystitis". Sounds sexy, right? Wrong! It's basically a fancy way of saying that everytime you have sex, you get an infection. There's not much you can do except to go on prophylactic antibiotics. Fun times. So, I now have a cocktail of Macrobid and this other medicine that turns my urine fluorescent orange. It reminds me of the movie Coneheads when the girl cries and her tears are bright green. Call me Kristen Conehead. With the neon superhuman pee.

Oh, and you'll never believe what idiocy occurred in the shower this morning. I was shaving my legs and I guess I was in a bit of a rush and as I was going upward, the corner of the razor blade got caught on the thumbnail of my right hand and sliced right down the middle of the nail... past the quick. It hurt like a mutha and it bled so much I thought it had taken part of my thumb too. I wrapped it in a Band-Aid until I had time to run to the drugstore to get a nail repair kit. I felt like a retard sitting in my office trying to apply nail glue with my left hand. I'm a righty so after I was done, it looked like a kindergartener had just done it. These are the days I wish I were ambidextrous. So, when all my Maryland/D.C. Stirrup Queens see me on Sunday and my thumb is all bandaged, you'll know why. Who knew shaving could be so dangerous? I've only been doing this for like 13 years...you'd think I'd be better at it by now.

I haven't talked about my cycle recently and there's a reason why. There's not much going on in that department. CD38. Anovulatory as ever. I've all but given up on the hope I'll ovulate. But yet I can't bring myself to call the RE for Provera. It's just that I'll have to make the trek there so they can steal my blood and tell me I'm not pregnant (no shit, Sherlock) and that my P4 is low. I just don't have the energy to go through the charade. I want this cycle to end so we can go back on Clomid and actually have a chance. But yet I can't make the phone call. I can't quite figure out why. Maybe subconciously I'm scared of starting over. Starting over and failing time after time. Scared of actually getting pregnant again. Getting my hopes up and building dreams that will only crumble. Or maybe starting over means I finally have to admit defeat. And come to terms with the fact that we are moving on from our losses. We'd be saying our final goodbyes. And maybe I'm just not quite ready yet deep down.

I'm sure I'll get there soon. I don't want to wait forever and waste more time. I'll get tired of procrastinating eventually. But at least I have the weekend to prepare.

19 comments:

Natalie said...

Ouch on the nail!!! And the UTI, sigh. Lovely.

I'm sure you'll move on (make the call) when you're ready to. Maybe you just need some time to prepare mentally. Hugs.

Geohde said...

I too am very very very vulnerable to the UTI thing. Always have been.

Hope that you feel better soon. :)

LeRoy Dissing said...

I am turning white thinking of you cutting your fingernai. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I think I would get woozey watching you bleed! Call it a guy thing - lol. I think there would be more guys passing out if they had the babies and/or the periods. Hope your finger didn't throb much.

Wishing you well on your decisions about the UTI. I can't fathom looking forward to sex if you know you will get an infection everytime. What a downer! Is there any other way to treat it that giving anti-biotics?

Elin said...

hiya hun, Sorry you poorly. Sending you hugs and love ((((you))))) xx

jessica said...

I get UTIs all the time, especially after intercourse. I live off of Diflucan & lots of water.

I hope you feel better soon :)

journey to junior said...

hey, babe. ugh, back to back UTIs are awful. i'm sorry.

and yes, you'll make the call when you are ready. and it is okay to not be ready yet. TOTALLY okay, actually. xoxox

Samantha said...

Sorry about the UTI. Feel better and take the time you need.

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

I get UTIs frequently and feel your pain. It seems like once you get a bad one, then it's pretty much a recurrent thing. I have several a year since even before I was having sex. Take care of yourself and chug the water.

Chris said...

While I've never been "blessed" with a UTI, my sympathies are with you. I can really relate to the "it's always something" aspect of life. Hope it goes away soon. Enjoy your weekend and think about things again next week.

Barb said...

So Sorry for all your bummers. I used to get UTI's all the time as a child. Weird I know, but they were AWFUL and I had to be really careful. I'm still more prone to them than the average individual though, so I know how it feels. :(

As for the calling, I kinda know how you feel there. I think for me I just get so tired of the pagentry of it and just want to conceive myself without all this bullshit. :(

Lots of hugs!

Polka Dot said...

Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog. It's always heartwarming to know I can come here and let it all out and not be judged for it.

I've never cut that far down - I can't imagine how painful that was.

I rarely get uti's, but I know a few people who do get them quite a bit. They say drinking lots of cranberry juice can help prevent them. I don't know if that's true, but it's worth a shot!

Melissa said...

Ouch! Sorry about the UTI. A friend of mine has recurrent infections as well and I know how much she suffers. Every time she took antibiotics, she was left with a raging YI as well, so it was always one thing or another. You might want to look into homeopathy - certainly don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Annovulatory cycles suck - I hope AF arrives soon, just so that you can start your Clomid and have a fighting chance. I understand your hesitation about calling your doctor - so do what you feel is right. There's no point rushing into anything that you're not comfortable with. I hope everything works out in the end.

sday said...

I did the excact same thing at the beginning of this cycle, I was so afraid of starting all over again. But it actually wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I let my PRovera sit on my counter for about 3 weeks before I had the guts to go for it and now this cycle with clomId we got TWO eggs.....
SO GO FOR IT -YOU CAN DO THIS!

lub said...

You are literally hurting at all ends! I hope AF shows soon and/or you ovulate and have good results after a 2ww. Good luck making the decision to call the doc. :)

Amanda said...

Yeah, it's amazing that no matter how many years we've been doing it, somehow or another we can still injure ourselves with those damn blades! Ugh!

This may be assvice, but can't your doc give you a mild antibiotic for post-coital use? I know it used to work for me. It fit right in with my, "Baby, I love you, but I gotta pee. Can we cuddle later" routine! Ha!

And take your time on calling the RE. When you're ready, you'll know.

Sunny said...

I loved chatting it up with you today. You are awesome!!!

Kathy said...

I absolutely know what you mean about makin that call. I've been waiting for AF for 2.5 months now since my miscarriage and I have yet to call my RE about it. Why? I have absolutely no idea. I think its all for the same reasons you said, but I don't honestly know. I also think its fear that I'll find out something ELSE is wrong with me. Ugh.

O...and I have cut my finger nails so many times while shaving that I should start storing band aids in the shower. If you think YOU'RE bad at it.....

Road Blocks and Rollercoasters said...

YOU POOR THING!!! I just cringed at the nail accident description. OUCH! I hate when I do that (and I do it a lot, unfortunately, as I am not safe with a razor or anything sharp for that matter).

I'll be hoping and praying that AF shows already. Sending you lots of HUGS!!! xoxo

SaraS-P said...

Sorry about the UTI and the nail!