Put On A Happy Face

Today was not such a good day at work. I had a meeting with a client that I have been dreading all week. I just knew that the current media plan was going to be ripped apart and I'd have to be the one to pick up the pieces and develop a whole new plan. Well, sure enough that happened, as expected. But then, the client decided they wanted a billboard they had previously told me to cancel, and said that they had emailed me about the issue (which I do NOT recall). I just looked like an idiot - like I don't know what I'm doing when, in fact, I am effectively doing my job. My boss was there to witness this whole incident, of course. As we left the meeting, she told me I needed to "put on a happy face" and that I "can't act pissed in front of the client". I told her I wasn't "pissed" (even though I was somewhat) but that I was worried I looked incompetent. She told me that the only person I had to worry about looking incompetent in front of was her and she knows better than to believe that. That made me feel a little better but now when I call the billboard company tomorrow morning, I'm really going to look like an ass. Hopefully, we can get the board back and it hasn't been rented. We can get another one if it is unavailable but that will just add to my stress. If you can't tell, I am totally ready for a new job. I'm dying for an offer and SOON.

To take my mind off of things and give myself that happy face, I decided to have some fun and play a little game I found on a fellow IF blog, Sticky Bun. I know it is supposed to pass the time in the 2ww but since I'm still waiting to O, I figured I could use it after the day I've had.

How to Play
What you do is set your music player to shuffle. Skip through your randomized playlist, and each consecutive song that comes up is the answer to the following questions in order.

1. The song for the you that existed before you ever thought about fertility:
Make Over - Christina Aguilera

Let down my hair, feel the wind on my skin
Crossing the border where my new life begins
And I close my eyes, and take it all in
I don't need nobody trying to make me over
I just wanna live simple and free
I just wanna get away
Saving all your bullshit for another day
I'm the only one that can rescue me from me

2. Would you really want to go back and be that person again?
On A Night Like This - Kylie Minogue

3. The song for when you first started fertility treatments:
Get This Party Started - Pink

4. What did infertility do to your sex life?
Special - Garbage

5. What about superstitions and fertility rituals?
Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake

6. How about "alternative" treatments, from cough syrup and pineapple to acupuncture and "body workers"?
Amber - 311

Nothing good comes easily
Sometimes you've gotta fight

7. How do you feel about coming out of the IF closet?
Erase & Rewind - Cardigans

8. Your song for other people's baby showers:
Stellar - Incubus

9. What about our scary friend hope?
All I Have - Jennifer Lopez

10. And lastly, the theme song of your fertility journey:
Rearranged - Limp Bizkit

Lately I've been skeptical
Silent when I would used to speak
Distance from all around me
Who witness me fail and become weak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down
But you dont understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your hole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go
You and me we're through
And rearranged

Wow, I swear I didn't cheat and some of these are pretty darn accurate! I'm sure I'm just reading into things but it's all in the name of fun, right?

Insight
1. Simple and free - that's what I was striving for. Infertility pretty much ruined that for me, being the antithesis of simple or free.

2. Haha, on a night like this I would DEFINATELY like to forget about temping, CM, OPKs, HPTs, Clomid, ovarian cysts, etc.

3. LOL - I was totally gung ho to start seeing the RE and find the root of our troubles. Oh, and to get going with more BDing too. *wink*

4. Oh, our sex life is special alright. More like penciling it in the appointment book. (So, you'd like missionary with PreSeed at 9pm on Friday? Hmmm, O isn't available that day. How about 10pm on Monday? 10pm it is.)

5. I'm not one for fertility rituals or superstition. I guess the whole "cry me a river" thing could mean been there, done that. Hips propped up, sperm meets egg plan, kokopelli, babydust, you name it. Hasn't really worked for me.

6. Definately pro-alternative treatments such as acupuncture or supplements. As the lyrics say, you've got to try all you can if you want something good.

7. This is a good one because I sometimes wish I hadn't shared all of my personal info with family and friends. I kind of wish I could take it back so I wouldn't feel more pressure to expand our family.

8. I wouldn't say I feel "stellar" at other people's baby showers but I do wish them the best despite my own jealousy.

9. PERFECT song! Hope is all I have to hold onto. Without hope and her twin faith, I wouldn't have the confidence or strength to move forward. Instead, I would give up and feel pity for myself. Not appealing at all.

10. Another great coincidence. Infertility has certainly rearranged my life. It has made me realize how jealous I can be and how distant I can feel from others. It has also made me more conscious of other peoples' insensitive remarks. I particularly like the second verse. So many people try to tell me to "relax" to get pregnant but if I gave them the same advice in a hard situation, they wouldn't appreciate it. It makes relationships difficult, for sure.