tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post6726403594591449086..comments2023-10-17T07:54:36.469-04:00Comments on The Sticky Bean Preconception Journal: Faith Is Not An F WordKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03542962726270982824noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-19089014997241185892010-06-14T04:11:52.175-04:002010-06-14T04:11:52.175-04:00Greetings i am fresh to this, I came upon this cha...Greetings i am fresh to this, I came upon this chat board I have found It quite useful & its helped me out so much. I hope to contribute & guide other people like it has helped me.<br /><br />Cheers all, See You Later.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-71846652537934361372010-06-07T02:42:54.906-04:002010-06-07T02:42:54.906-04:00Sup im new to this. I hit upon this message board ...Sup im new to this. I hit upon this message board I have found It absolutely helpful and its helped me so much. I should be able to contribute and help other users like it has helped me.<br /><br />Thanks, Catch You AroundAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-80974933491722527942010-06-05T11:10:38.882-04:002010-06-05T11:10:38.882-04:00Sup i'm fresh here. I stumbled upon this site ...Sup i'm fresh here. I stumbled upon this site I find It exceedingly accessible & its helped me out so much. I should be able to contribute & help other people like its helped me.<br /><br />Thank's, Catch You Later.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-82817831423013557552008-08-01T10:07:00.000-04:002008-08-01T10:07:00.000-04:00I'm here from Mel's roundup extravaganza and your ...I'm here from Mel's roundup extravaganza and your post just grabbed me and made me cry. I know that feeling of guilt, and all the what-ifs that go with miscarriage, and the whys, and the questions to God. But you're right, faith is not an F word, and I know He has a plan. Thank you for that reminder.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08339920449924488366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-44300268403585653852007-10-09T15:17:00.000-04:002007-10-09T15:17:00.000-04:00I am just catching up on your posts and am still s...I am just catching up on your posts and am still sitting here crying from this one. <BR/><BR/>I never put the word "guilt" to my feelings about my miscarriage, but that is so, SO right. I feel guilty that I KNOW that it was my OWN BODY that caused my miscarriage to occur, then I feel guilty that I KNOW the cause of my m/c when so many people never know and it only made me feel worse -not better. I have tried so hard NOT to feel guilty during my current pregnancy for still grieving my lost baby but I still find myself crying for my first child well over a year later. <BR/><BR/>Thank you so much for sharing all of that. It really has given me a lot to think about. As usual your words continue to be so touching and make such a difference in people's lives!<BR/><BR/>I am so glad you found that service and hope that as time has past since then it has helped to uplift you to tackle this cycle. <BR/><BR/>I continue to pray for you and DH and your IF battle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-70963518136792203032007-10-07T15:28:00.000-04:002007-10-07T15:28:00.000-04:00Sorry, I am just catching up. I'm glad you found ...Sorry, I am just catching up. I'm glad you found a community you think you could belong too. <BR/><BR/>I'm not sure what to think about your husband's comments. I can see how he would feel all his losses - even if the losses with you were more significant. It is so hard when we are grieving to understand the grieving of our spouses.<BR/><BR/>I hope things are better now.Kamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01215000341567119958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-91000696872160205222007-10-04T23:28:00.000-04:002007-10-04T23:28:00.000-04:00Your description of the memorial made me cry. :( J...Your description of the memorial made me cry. :( Just so sad.<BR/><BR/>Men say the wrong thing and the wrong time ALL the time, I swear. I don't know how they are so talented. :sigh:Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16003334714597731355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-87374534802354558812007-10-04T23:27:00.000-04:002007-10-04T23:27:00.000-04:00i'm so sorry you've had to endure so much in so li...i'm so sorry you've had to endure so much in so little time. i, too, think that DH was very inconsiderate to have sprung that info on you at such a time. i hope that you both find peace and healing.<BR/><BR/>thinking of you,<BR/>-lorilltandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09121516686657529961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-11692085675675537462007-10-04T02:32:00.000-04:002007-10-04T02:32:00.000-04:00I'm so sorry for all you are going through and had...I'm so sorry for all you are going through and had to endure this weekend. That's nice that your church did a service like that and it helped you find faith and strength in God. I hope it continues to give you strength and peace and healing. I think men just don't know how to express themselves and often say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm sure you are both hurting. Hugs to you.One Viewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16092873478760754270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-20876028946677145272007-10-03T22:33:00.000-04:002007-10-03T22:33:00.000-04:00I just wanted to add that the church service you a...I just wanted to add that the church service you attended sounded very touching and I hope it helps you come to terms with the pain of losing your twins.olivegirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04715797322388747816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-40692872549803029402007-10-03T22:00:00.000-04:002007-10-03T22:00:00.000-04:00so intense... I can't imagine all the different em...so intense... I can't imagine all the different emotions you went/are going through... I too think it's really impressive that the church did this; so many times these kinds of losses are brushed under the carpet, secret pain. The catharsis can be so good. And then your husband's revelation... wow. I imagine it's going to take time to really process everything. (((((hugs)))))E. Phantzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05812948199658356521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-10892836658654782382007-10-03T20:46:00.000-04:002007-10-03T20:46:00.000-04:00You made me tear up just reading it. I have all ki...You made me tear up just reading it. I have all kinds of guilt even over my chemical pregnancy, and lots of "what ifs." I even have guilt about grieving that pregnancy b/c I know it was so early that it wasn't even really much of an embryo yet.. so I feel like I don't have the right to grieve as if I had lost it later. But it did rip my heart out when it happened. So anyway. Lots of care and hugs.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-78205046769086910772007-10-03T20:23:00.000-04:002007-10-03T20:23:00.000-04:00I would be feeling the same way you are if my husb...I would be feeling the same way you are if my husband were to say those things. I would be soooo furious, I'd also be hurt.<BR/><BR/>*HUGS*<BR/>Take care of yourself.Scrumpkinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14336208156858244107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-24760406753735360732007-10-03T18:53:00.000-04:002007-10-03T18:53:00.000-04:00I'm sorry AF showed up, but I think it is great th...I'm sorry AF showed up, but I think it is great that you have a protocol all lined up. I swear, sometimes that's the only thing that gets me through each cycle--having a plan for the next one. <BR/><BR/>Sending lots of HUGS your way! :)RBandRChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06018306370247688896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-12208374606824072982007-10-03T17:54:00.000-04:002007-10-03T17:54:00.000-04:00You have been through a very intense weekend. I a...You have been through a very intense weekend. I am glad to know that the service was able to bring you some peace. <BR/><BR/>As far as DH, his timing was poor to say the least. That being said I don't think he is "comparing" the two of you. I think that he is saying that he possibly lost another child. I guess what you need to ask yourself is are you comparing yourself to her? If the situation turned out to be true, would it make a difference if she had miscarried or lost the baby at birth? I think what I am tying to say is it the fact if she chose not have the baby- is that what bothers you most when you are working so hard to get there? I know that I feel differently about abortion after going through infertility... still pro-choice but would want people to consider adoption much more heavily. <BR/><BR/>JMHO- I think that if there had been a child who had lived, when your DH married you, you would have loved that child just based on the fact that he was an extension of your husband. I don't think that you would have felt like he had cheated on your heavenly children or you future earthly children. You have too big of a heart for that. <BR/><BR/>That being said, the tough things about emotions are that they aren't always rational and it makes them harder to deal with when you are a logical person like yourself.<BR/><BR/>In the end this is certainly not a reflection of how he feels about you, your children, or what he wants your future to look like together. He chose you and that counts pretty big in my book.<BR/><BR/>I hope that you are able to come together soon and both of you are able to make peace with it all. <BR/><BR/>We are all cheering you on for this cycle, hang in there.Grad3https://www.blogger.com/profile/01507004280070094471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-77184949119485419292007-10-03T16:25:00.000-04:002007-10-03T16:25:00.000-04:00I'm sorry that your husband brought that up in the...I'm sorry that your husband brought that up in the car. The service sounded incredibly cathartic. I'm impressed that the church does this.Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-11809031238247241872007-10-03T16:18:00.000-04:002007-10-03T16:18:00.000-04:00Jeez, this post is loaded. I'm not sure where to ...Jeez, this post is loaded. I'm not sure where to begin: For starts, you are to be commended for going to a memorial service. They. are. tough. Also, FWIW, parents in my support group said the *same exact thing* about things getting worse before they get better. Mourning is not a straight line; you feel numb, and then start to feel, and when you feel it might actually be pretty bad before it starts to feel better again. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not religious, so I can't speak to your views here, but I will say that events like yours really shake your faith -- in both positive and negative ways. I don't think it's bad to consider switching churches or mindsets now if you've found support, in fact, I think it's healthy. I would NOT feel guilty though. Not at all. And finally, as to your husband: right after Maddy died I discovered that a man who is dating a family member got a girlfriend pregnant when he was v. young. They were unmarried, but her parents did not condone their marriage, so the girl had the baby and gave it up for adoption -- he knows it was a boy, but he never saw him. A few decades later, he still doesn't have children of his own, and thinks of this boy somewhere out there every year on his birthday. I guess I'm trying to say men grieve too. I don't think your husband's timing was particularly good (at all) (ugh) but he's probably thinking about what he's lost, not "what could be" if that makes any sense. In other words, I doubt it has anything to do with you, or his love for you. In any case, hope next month goes a bit better and I'll be checking in! You're in my thoughts.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-89405806199073059422007-10-03T16:12:00.000-04:002007-10-03T16:12:00.000-04:00I think the service sounded wonderful. I may see ...I think the service sounded wonderful. I may see about having something like that at our church.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09708675281321049193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-24996065513479399692007-10-03T15:25:00.000-04:002007-10-03T15:25:00.000-04:00Wow. That's so heavy. Wow.The only thing that I ca...Wow. That's so heavy. Wow.<BR/><BR/>The only thing that I can say about your husband is that if this woman did indeed have an abortion, then he didn't really have a choice either... and even if child wasn't exactly made out of love like yours, that doesn't mean he wouldn't have loved that child anyway. So, in a way... I get it. I know the day wasn't about that though, which is why it hurt... but it's still a reality for him, I guess. But it definitely wasn't the best time or place or even something he needed to share with you, so I'm sorry :O(.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00680931702262048959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-64690905546274102422007-10-03T15:20:00.000-04:002007-10-03T15:20:00.000-04:00That sounds like a heavy day. The emotions of the ...That sounds like a heavy day. The emotions of the service to deal with and then DH. I'm only guessing but perhaps he feels that his emotions aren't taken so seriously. It certainly sounds as if he is kicking off for a reason. Sometimes we lash out at the ones we love when we are hurting the worst. I am still sorry that it happened this way though. Hope you can patch it up soon xCarriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15454167446758199344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-51762309584038994162007-10-03T13:36:00.000-04:002007-10-03T13:36:00.000-04:00oh, kristen. ((hug)). that is just way too much ...oh, kristen. ((hug)). that is just way too much to process all at once. i'm so sorry that DH hurt you by being honest. it sucks when that happens. it is all out there now, though, and you can take each hour as it comes and deal with it best you can.<BR/><BR/>big fingers crossed for you on this cycle.Mirabel's Parentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01774807819127733583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-82962357666847698742007-10-03T12:05:00.000-04:002007-10-03T12:05:00.000-04:00I'm glad the service went well and that you liked ...I'm glad the service went well and that you liked the church. I don't blame you for being mad at your husband. I have to agree it was wrong for him to bring that up at that time. You two will work through it.<BR/><BR/>Have you hear of M.E.N.D.? You may already know about it, but it's an online support site for mother's enduring neonatal death. I met the founder an at IF support group meeting a few years ago. It's a great organization if you haven't heard of it.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I hope things settle down and y'all get everything worked out!<BR/><BR/>Take care!hope548https://www.blogger.com/profile/11951199252401108222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-27696667995504498792007-10-03T11:33:00.000-04:002007-10-03T11:33:00.000-04:00Whew, what a TIME you had....that must have been h...Whew, what a TIME you had....that must have been hard for DH to mention the other "possible" child. I just continue to pray for peace for both of you--that you can grieve and move forward as a couple: one foot in front of the other, day by day.<BR/>HUGS to you...JJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027548058304720360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-60718668568859187392007-10-03T11:31:00.000-04:002007-10-03T11:31:00.000-04:00I have to remind myself on a constant basis that w...I have to remind myself on a constant basis that we are SO different from our husbands. Men process and express emotions and hardships in such alternate methods as us that often what we perceive as insensitive was their way of just opening up more of themselves to us. While his timing was probably not ideal, he was just sharing an admission of guilt with you that I am sure the church service stirred up in him. I often want to roll eyes and snicker when husband brings up previous relationships, but remind myself that all of those women and situations helped mold him in to the man that I love and value so much today and without those he may not be the wonderful mate that he is. He is, after all, your other half and that half comes with a past. Guilt and grief are hard to deal with. I hope you can forgive him for his terrible timing and you guys can start fresh this cycle, like after a rain. Wash all the past pain away and look to tomorrow with hope!Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704322443812498302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-8330196865981321362007-10-03T10:26:00.000-04:002007-10-03T10:26:00.000-04:00Wow - this was an emotional weekend for both of yo...Wow - this was an emotional weekend for both of you. I am glad you found a church you can call home! How have you felt the last few days?Maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10275396650468947413noreply@blogger.com