tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post4352142517004470443..comments2023-10-17T07:54:36.469-04:00Comments on The Sticky Bean Preconception Journal: Fair-Weathered FriendsKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03542962726270982824noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-47754382987547738392008-03-02T16:02:00.000-05:002008-03-02T16:02:00.000-05:00I have recently decided to cut my SIL loose. The ...I have recently decided to cut my SIL loose. The level of care, empathy, communication she desired was just too different than myself - the whole thing was doing nothing except eliciting negative emotions. Sometimes it happens. If they cut you out then let them go - they're not worth it.Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07923049494756911105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-74732315726917274692008-02-22T16:53:00.000-05:002008-02-22T16:53:00.000-05:00I think you answered your own question from the st...I think you answered your own question from the start; your lives and priorities as people were becoming very different and you were drifting apart. You could probably keep the friendship going if you stooped down to their level and played the "Keeping up with the Jones" game, but I think the two of you have a much deeper goal for your lives that focuses on money being a part and not a whole of the big picture.<BR/> It goes back to a simple saying:<BR/> "It is not what you HAVE in life, But what you DO with it"<BR/> I think the two of you are operating on a much more mature level in your lives and marriage. They may catch up one day....The Fried Chicken Yacht Clubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11188176311199925650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-64638603292839886172008-02-20T18:40:00.000-05:002008-02-20T18:40:00.000-05:00I'm not sure why you would want to continue the fr...I'm not sure why you would want to continue the friendship...they sound awful! I wouldn't waste any more energy on it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-23951489335594846072008-02-20T11:15:00.000-05:002008-02-20T11:15:00.000-05:00Sounds like your friends wrote the definition of p...Sounds like your friends wrote the definition of passive aggressive behavior. That's the things with folks like that..you get drawn in and somehow think it's not quite okay to be mad at them. But it is. And as hard as it is to let them go b/c you have been so close with them in the past, it is probably best. You don't need to make apologies for withdrawing from them during this pregnancy. ANYONE that tries to put you somewhere on a 'sympathy spectrum' by trying to imply that you shouldn't be devestated at loosing your baby at 11 weeks (as opposed to later on) is not someone that will ever understand your wants and desires and fears. No, it is best to just be polite and distant from now on..and no worries about the financial assistance they've given in the past..perhaps you may be able to repay that in the future when someone else needs your help. I don't think I've commented on your blog before, but I do check in, and I'm happy for your progress! Good luck!Fiddle1https://www.blogger.com/profile/09351570423027232218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-17213245118268772562008-02-20T10:41:00.000-05:002008-02-20T10:41:00.000-05:00It's hard for me to judge, because I'm not in the ...It's hard for me to judge, because I'm not in the situation, but I know that if someone made me feel bad every time I hang out with her, I would be less inclined to spend time with her--history or not. If she couldn't be understanding during a devastating period of my life, and then tried to cut me off when I needed some space, I would concentrate my time on other people.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08514262423005456861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-86437376964531936122008-02-20T10:30:00.000-05:002008-02-20T10:30:00.000-05:00Funny how drama ensues you even when you aren't ch...Funny how drama ensues you even when you aren't chasing it, right?<BR/>Husband and I have gone through so much of this in our 5 years together, it's absurd. Friendships lost abound us. I have finally figured out, though, that when anyone pushes you down in order to make themselves feel better or good about themselves, it's a relationship not worth saving. Don't belittle your feelings in any way, you have them for a reason. Friends are supposed to be "ladder" people-they are there to push us up or lend a hand when we are down and vice versa. If they aren't, they aren't worth keeping around. There truly are so many wonderful and amazing people in this world, there's no point in wasting time (and love and hurt) on those that don't treat us right. We all make mistakes and hurt people inadvertently, but this couple just sounds childish and selfish.Mazzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16914742489846963185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-3049731506652573902008-02-20T10:06:00.000-05:002008-02-20T10:06:00.000-05:00Wow Kristen! I wish I could hug you right now. Y...Wow Kristen! I wish I could hug you right now. You know what is so crazy? I am going through a somewhat similar situation myself right now as well. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. However, I can say this, they are very childish for deleting you for facebook and I don't think I would even want to try to salvage anything. If you need to talk, vent, rant, or whatever...please e-mail me! If nothing else, we could be a sounding board for each other. I was about to post something similar about the situation I am in, but not sure if it is the best thing to do. I feel I may sound selfish. :\Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12059910119763568973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-55495096444580529732008-02-20T09:52:00.000-05:002008-02-20T09:52:00.000-05:00They sort of sound like really annoying people, no...They sort of sound like really annoying people, no offense. When I read through this story it sounded like something I would have expected from friends of my high school age little brother. They seem very immature. You are at a new stage in your life and you don't need "frenemies" like them! I say good riddance! Of course, just my opinion, feel free to completely disregard :) I just hate to see you get upset over people that seem useless.<BR/><BR/>And I would also send them a check for the $1500 the second you can afford it, so they have nothing to lord over you.lady in waitinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10806507660932901609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-14784410589690507832008-02-20T08:34:00.000-05:002008-02-20T08:34:00.000-05:00Hey sweetie! you've gotten some really great advic...Hey sweetie! <BR/><BR/>you've gotten some really great advice from very wise people here. But I thought I'd add my small opinion.<BR/><BR/>I agree with everyone who says if they suck the energy out of you or if they are hard to be friends with, cut them loose! You don't need drama filled friends. I think this is one of the times in your life that you are allowed to be "selfish". IMO, you are doing the greatest thing in the world and you don't want anyone bringing you down right now. This is such a magical time...enjoy every minute of it!Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10975936796996851495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-61094032637289454502008-02-19T22:32:00.000-05:002008-02-19T22:32:00.000-05:00As you can tell from the comments, we've all been ...As you can tell from the comments, we've all been there with the friendship that we wanted to keep because it used to mean so much to us, but that isn't quite living up to what we want it to be in the present day. I can't really add to the advice beyond what everyone else has told except to say that I've been there and know it's a difficult decision.Samanthahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02799401502134619497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-13102882996152423502008-02-19T22:01:00.000-05:002008-02-19T22:01:00.000-05:00Wow. I agree with the other girls... it sounds lik...Wow. I agree with the other girls... it sounds like they really can't get past some things and they have decided not to put any effort into this relationship. Taking you off their friends lift does sound totally petty. I'd take that personally as well. I mean, like you said, WTF?<BR/><BR/>I learned a while back that some friendships are not a two-way street and I just don't have energy if someone isn't willing to make an effort in return.Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09347342430457632253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-45975321303530033802008-02-19T19:50:00.000-05:002008-02-19T19:50:00.000-05:00I hate how money changes things with friends. We ...I hate how money changes things with friends. We have the same sort of problem with some friends, and we've just drifted apart. I get sad about it sometimes, but their friendship wasn't worth how they made me feel. <BR/><BR/>Good luck with whatever you decideMeghanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12825803955705904174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-26148334789620452942008-02-19T18:33:00.000-05:002008-02-19T18:33:00.000-05:00I gauge my friendships against my marriage--if it ...I gauge my friendships against my marriage--if it takes more work to keep up the friendship than it does to keep my marriage going then I can't handle the friendship. <BR/><BR/>Honestly, I've had friends in the past that were needier and more demanding than my husband (who really isn't at all) and it is just draining. At the end of the day those friendships made me more miserable than happy and that was how I knew it was time to cut them loose. <BR/><BR/>It sounds like you're in a tough situation and you're not dealing with the most cooperative people. And the whole facebook thing? WTH? IMO that is kind of petty. I do hope you figure it all out though! Good luck!RBandRChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06018306370247688896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-12411587283916389392008-02-19T17:35:00.000-05:002008-02-19T17:35:00.000-05:00I wouldn't worry about salvaging the friendship if...I wouldn't worry about salvaging the friendship if it is so much work on your part. I am sure you have better friends.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09708675281321049193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-4878609418260763772008-02-19T17:30:00.000-05:002008-02-19T17:30:00.000-05:00That really is always a hard call and, one I've fa...That really is always a hard call and, one I've faced many times. Alison is right. If the work of the friendship isn't worth what you get in return to YOU.. then you need to cut clean. But only you can decide how and when to do that. Sorry I can't be much help. :( <BR/><BR/>It very much seems like they may have always had some of these qualities, but that you are now in such different places in your lives that it's more noticeable. Have you thought about talking face to face with them about your issues to help yourself, to clear the air, and to give them a chance to respond? Hard to do I know. But they seem to feel as if they've been wronged somehow too. Maybe she thinks she's required to offer money since she has some, but is so conflicted about it b/c she feels used or something. I know that's HER problem, but at least you'd know. Or maybe she wants to remind you of the wedding photos b/c she feels so good about doing it and wants to know you still appreciate it, but just doesn't realize the hurt she causes you? Just some thoughts. Maybe she is just a jerk. You're call. <BR/>xoxoxo<BR/>BBarbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-2339202905180022342008-02-19T15:59:00.000-05:002008-02-19T15:59:00.000-05:00Sometimes we outgrow people. And that's ok. I do...Sometimes we outgrow people. And that's ok. I don't think it's worth your time and energy to try to salvage something that sounds like it's run it's course. She obviously has issues with the whole money thing and having to repeat what she's done for you to others. It makes her feel better about herself to make sure that people know about her "generosity". That's pitiful. When you do things for other people you're not supposed to go around tooting your own horn about how great you are. <BR/><BR/>Them removing you from their "Friends" list is kinda them saying that they're done. I would take that personally and I'm not pregnant, hormonal or sensitive. <BR/><BR/>Move on...plenty of other really nice people out there!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-10779399579536704822008-02-19T15:56:00.000-05:002008-02-19T15:56:00.000-05:00Wow. I just don't get people sometimes. You don'...Wow. I just don't get people sometimes. You don't deserve any of that.<BR/><BR/>I guess, in my humble opinion, it's best to surround yourself with people who lift you up, support you, encourage you and don't think twice about picking up an $8 tab. People who drain you and suck the positive energy from you are not worth keeping around in the long run, I think. <BR/><BR/>I "retreated" (aka pretty much hid from the entire world) when I was first pregnant. Those of us who have experienced a loss understand that need to hide as a protection mechanism for yourself and your little one. It's only been recently that I have come out of hiding and even that is on a "tentative" basis. If "Eric" says they understand this, then I don't understand the whole silly friendlist thing. It sounds like a stupid way to hurt your feelings and play games if you ask me.<BR/><BR/>In other words, if they were concerned by your absence, they could have called or emailed to check in, no?<BR/><BR/>So here's what I would do (but this is just my opinion): Go ahead and accept their friend request, no need to rock the boat any further. But I don't feel you need to make any further effort with these people. They have made it clear that their lives are going in different directions now and if you're not interested in playing their games, then I would just let sleeping dogs lie. <BR/><BR/>It's a shame to lose friends, especially close ones, but such is life. It just makes room for a new set of friends to come into your life. Sorry you've had to deal with this craziness. It's unfair.Hilary (Maya Papaya)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13519821576210345817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-53588499909030842822008-02-19T15:45:00.000-05:002008-02-19T15:45:00.000-05:00I wonder if they're needy people, like they need c...I wonder if they're needy people, like they need constant attention and if you don't give it then they get all angry. It would go along with the giving of money and stuff, they can say they paid and what not and be the focus. <BR/>Honestly they sound like people you may not need to be associated with anymore. My best friend in high school was good with me until I got married and had a kid, now we don't talk. What can you do? It happens but she has different priorities than I do.PamalaLaurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357664965020460429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-86558214112081498732008-02-19T15:17:00.000-05:002008-02-19T15:17:00.000-05:00K- In my opinion true, healthy friendships worth s...K- In my opinion true, healthy friendships worth sustaining are a give/take mostly 50:50. I presonally can't spare energy on frienships that suck me dry of happiness, time, and emotions all about them. I know it is hard when friends drift away, but sometimes new friends are on the horizon. You will need friends that can support you now and when sunshine arrives!! Good luckMaryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10275396650468947413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-63592221554878671202008-02-19T15:03:00.001-05:002008-02-19T15:03:00.001-05:00Nope, you are not overreacting. I've had similar ...Nope, you are not overreacting. I've had similar friendships in the same vein, and I've learned over the years that you can give and give (and I don't mean $$), and get nothing in return. Friendships are about loyalty and trust. Not someone ready to hold a bucket of water over your head, or belittle you.<BR/><BR/>Sure, we all have friends that piss us off once in awhile, but true friends are always, always supportive. Sometimes, when you grow in different directions, it happens that a good friend (or one you though was good) becomes toxic. It's just the way it is, and sometimes you just burn too many bridges along the way.<BR/><BR/>You already probably know if things can ever be made right with your friends. Stick to your gut and follow your heart on this one.Shellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11069416566542236599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35212546.post-35337201789825976892008-02-19T15:03:00.000-05:002008-02-19T15:03:00.000-05:00Only you can determine if this friendship is worth...Only you can determine if this friendship is worth salvaging. I, personally, couldn't handle the BS and the drama of trying to make it worth it. It sounds like after the wedding you started to drift apart and you're really wanting different things out of life. There's nothing wrong with that, but people change and maybe there's some new friends with a little one on the way, just around the corner. <BR/><BR/>Taking you off their Facebook friend's list was totally petty and lame, and I would take great offense to that as well. I mean who does that? Are we 7? Seriously. <BR/><BR/>Sorry for the assvice. I hope things get better for you.<BR/><BR/>xoxo.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com